Episode 128b – Nationwide Dunning-Kruger, Wales politics, Esyllt Sears

Released on Thursday, January 31st, 2019.

Episode 128b – Nationwide Dunning-Kruger, Wales politics, Esyllt Sears

Episode 128b – A quick update on WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT goings on from Tuesday’s Brexit debate and amendments votes. Plus the interview that wasn’t on episode 128 with comedian and writer Esyllt Sears (@esylltmair) on Welsh Politics.

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Transcript

Parliament has voted and it has said no to no deal, no also to any sort of deal, no to extending article 50 and no to even thinking about allocating any time to talking about it. British politicians are 2 year-olds shouting No at everything because they can and they don’t know what they want and seem unaware that they’ve just missed out on ice cream. Prime Minister and frostbitten bollard Theresa May spent over two years working on a deal, or at least a few weeks of that two years, persuading everyone to like it and warning of the consequences of voting against it. Only to then vote against it and promise to go back to the EU with lots of asks they’ve already said no to. Every time I think we’ve hit peak stupid, Theresa May climbs up there with sandals on and adds scaffolding which she hasn’t got all the parts for or any idea how it should assemble. You know that old joke about the duck who keeps going to the butchers or bar or whatever variant you’ve heard and repeatedly asks if they’ve got any wood? You know it? That duck is Theresa May. Just without the wherewithal to ask if the barman has any nails at the end, or if she did, it’d only be because she’d already been told they didn’t. There is nothing about what’s happened that makes sense unless you understand that its more important to Conservatives to survive as a party, than for the country to do well. Its either that or they’re a special sort of vampire that only feeds off misery and have a big feast planned for later this year.

The Brexit Debate leading to Tuesday night could again have been replaced with the noise of a horse kicking a dustbin full of old brass instruments. At one-point Conservative MP and the worst of Harry Enfield’s characters Oliver Letwin said that he is past caring what the deal is. A lot of people got very angry but I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard a Conservative MP entirely in tune with the public. Brexit Secretary and man who is to politics what Tab Clear was to fizzy drinks Stephen Barclay said that one of the amendments was an empty vessel, a Trojan horse. Either he doesn’t remotely know his Greek mythology or he blames his own dysfunction genitals on some condoms he once bought, you know, like a bad workman might.

Most of the potentially useful amendments were rejected due to the Conservative & DUP majority in Parliament, combined with a handful of Labour MPs who still think the best way to get Tory voters on side is have them confused at the ballot box as to which candidate is which. Only 14 Conservatives voted for the Cooper & Grieve amendments, because Tory Rebel is a term that is a paradox and therefore can’t exist. Like Compassionate Conservatism, Affordable Housing or James Cleverly. Somewhere in the depths of the universe in a place where space and time warp, several bizarro Tory Rebels are enjoying an alternative No Deal Brexit that was successful while actually gaining enrichment from something a Piers Morgan says. But if you have a minority, how do you defeat a powerful majority? I was trying to think of historical examples of that happening but realized having Labour, SNP and Lib Dem MPs dressed as Gerard Butler from 300 really won’t help matters. Conservatives had joined together because of the Malthouse Compromise which sounds like something weird happened when they all had a sleepover and drank too much ovaltine and now they’re sworn to secrecy. But actually it was an agreement to all back a plan that doesn’t make sense as a plan, so yes, I guess the too much ovaltine thing still works.

Corbyn’s amendment was rejected, Blackford’s amendment, Cooper’s amendments and all Grieve’s amendment all got defeated even though that was just about allocating time to discuss Brexit as if to rebel against even having to be there to vote on it. The only two that passed were Spelman’s amendment to avoid a no deal which an advisory amendment was and can’t be done, and Brady’s amendment for May to seek alternatives to the Northern Irish backstop which can’t be done unless she’s going to rename it a Northern Irish palisade. Labour leader and sentient eyebrow Jeremy Corbyn has said he’ll now speak to May after parliament voted to avoid a No deal even though that doesn’t mean its off the table and in fact all the other votes mean it really is. Today he told Sky news that its wrong that the UK can’t unilaterally stop a backstop they voted for and put in place as a failsafe incase they don’t find a solution.

So, there’s a Prime Minister who’s going to Europe to tell people she wants things they’ve already said she can’t have and an opposition leader who’s agreeing to meet with May because of something that isn’t happening and is criticizing things that are only put in place because no one else has any ideas. Seriously, has there been a deadly gas leak at Parliament? Are we going to find out in 10 years time that they were all slowly getting mercury poisoning every time they drank anything in the bar? I’m starting to wonder if the best plan of action, is for someone else who can prove they’ve read at least one thing and won’t touch a metal pipe if they’ve been warned it’s hot, just declares themselves as Prime Minister and we unilaterally as a country let them have a go.

Oh and Labour MP and wearer of sunglasses so big she’s probably vitamin D deficient Fiona Onasanya has been sentenced to 3 months in prison due to lying about speeding and texting while driving. I almost wonder if its part of politician’s inbuilt training that they can’t be honest about anything anymore. Was it a straight up lie or when asked how fast she was going did she respond ‘Well it’s the ridiculous limits enforced by the EU that mean people everywhere are moving too slow to sustain our economy.’ Still, based on the debates she’ll be missing between now and April, I can’t help but feel we’ll see a number of MPs stepping on the gas while watching youtube and trying to wave down police just to see if they’ll be as lucky.

Yes, that is all I’m saying on what was just several hours of idiocy on Tuesday. This is not so much a bonus episode as an add on, as the interview I was meant to do on Monday for episode 128, didn’t happen because my interviewee was sadly unwell. However, she then contacted me on Tuesday and asked if I fancied speaking to her then instead, and I did. This is technically episode 128b and if you listen to it very quickly after 128, then its almost like that one didn’t go completely out of date immediately after release. Anyway, ta for listening, hope you enjoy and don’t forget to subscribe, review, donate, eat and sleep where you can, be kind to one another and avoid any scary looking spiders.

Wales! The strange stumpy grabby upturned hand at the midriff of the UK and a beautiful country, well except Newport, of rolling valleys, stunning coastlines and home of the rain. It’s also a place obsessed by rugby which is a great indication of a good people as you know means that it doesn’t matter for them if they win, as long as they try. Wales has been having a hard time of things lately, with a number of infrastructure projects due to bring work, power and industry with them, failing before they’ve started. The latest of these, the Wyfla Newyyd £12bn nuclear power station, currently suspended by Hitatchi because of the rising construction costs needed to build it, which I mean, yeah, it’s a nuclear power plant, you can’t just make a shack roof for it out of PVC. Now with Airbus threatening to leave due to Brexit, it could leave a pretty big dent in the country’s employment which is already the lowest in the UK. Add to that an NHS that is constantly failing to meet targets, the loss of an annual £680m of funds from the EU that will go after Brexit, and a potential for the Welsh government to lose some of its devolved powers under May’s Withdrawl Agreement and things are looking even more damp and grey than usual.

But that’s from an outsider’s point of view, as in me, someone who regularly gigs in Wales but that doesn’t really remotely qualify me to have a clue how things are. I mean last time I was there I spent my whole time tweeting pictures of the projection of the Welsh dragon that I found in my AirBnB. I’ve had Northern Irish and Scottish politics updates from interviewees on this show but talking to someone about Welsh politics was overdue. So this week I spoke to comedian, writer and columnist Esyllt Sairs. Yes, I’ve probably said her name wrong already despite practicing. Esyllt has written for the News Quiz, and the soon to be aired new sketch show from Elis James on S4C, as well as writing a regular column for Y Cymro, the only hardcopy Welsh language newspaper in Wales. So I asked Esyllt all about what the general political gist is in Wales at the mo, what exactly the difference between the Welsh Assembly and Welsh government is, and gave her constant reassurances that there wasn’t interference on the line, it was just my awful attempts to do decent Welsh pronunciations.

Hope you enjoy, here is Esyllt:

INTERVIEW WITH ESYLLT

Thanks very much to Esyllt for the chat. You can find her on Twitter @EsylltMair or on Instagram at esyllt.sears. All the other links she mentions will be up on the website later in the week courtesy of linear liner note writer Kat Day.

I still need more guests for this show. FEED ME GUESTS! Not literally because then I still wouldn’t have a guest. You can’t have your guest and eat it. Just send me your suggestions for who to interview please or what subjects to interview people about. Do you want more international subjects, more Brexit nonsense? More issues that definitely aren’t Brexit? What have I neglected on this show so far, or for a while or what burning injustices should I be taking an audio hose too? Baring in mind that an audio hose would be useless despite sound waves. Let me know at any of these socials and connect ability stations: @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast group on Facebook, the contact page on partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or you could put your recommendation into the credits of an on demand tv show and then when I’m binge watching it, I won’t see it as it disappears into a minimized screen only for the next episode to start ensuring no one cares about who worked on what and if anyone has a hilarious surname. Oh, it’s so sad, why no one care about the make-up wrangler or camera upsetter? So yeah probably just best to email.

And that’s it, proper episode again next Tuesday where I’ll probably be telling you about how May responding to the EU saying no to removing the backstop by saying cool, cool, can we remove the backstop though please? 600 times actually wore them down enough to let her plan through after they ran out of tables to bang their heads on.

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