Further Reading

Don’t worry everyone, our Prime Minister can do press-ups. I know you were worried about the state of the country with the coronavirus and collapsed economy, but it’s ok because Boris Johnson can heave his inflated carcass off the carpet at least long enough to take a photo, so that means he’s healthy. You know, unlike those people that died of COVID19 because they weren’t patriotic enough or something. This week is about being as fit as a butcher’s dog, resetting Whitehall, and getting angry that people are going to the beaches because you said they should. Plus a chat with Nicola Branch (@SLonCycling4Pa1) about Israel’s plans to annex the West Bank.

Key links and sources of info from Nicola’s interview:

• • Nicola Branch on Twitter – https://twitter.com/SLonCycling4Pa1
• • 47SOUL on Twitter – https://twitter.com/47soulofficial
• • 47SOUL website – https://47soul.com/
• • Asa Winstanley on Twitter – https://twitter.com/AsaWinstanley
• • Jonathan Cook on Twitter – https://twitter.com/Jonathan_K_Cook
• • Sarah Wilkinson on Twitter – https://twitter.com/swilkinsonbc
• • Ariel Gold on Twitter – https://twitter.com/ArielElyseGold
• • Ilan Pappé on Twitter – https://twitter.com/pappe54
• • Gideon Levy on Twitter – https://twitter.com/levy_haaretz
• • Jewish Voice for Peace on Twitter – https://twitter.com/jvplive
• • Ben White on Twitter – https://twitter.com/benabyad
• • Rohan Talbot on Twitter – https://twitter.com/rohantalbot
• • SueGee on Twitter – https://twitter.com/Thehopper7
• • Operation Cast Lead / Gaza War 2008-09 on Wikipedia – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaza_War_(2008%E2%80%932009)
• • Operation Protective Edge / 2014 Israel-Gaza conflict – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Israel%E2%80%93Gaza_conflict
  

All the usual ParPolBro stuff:

• • Twitter – twitter.com/ParPolBro and twitter.com/TiernanDouieb   
• • Facebook – www.facebook.com/groups/ParPolBro 
• • Website – www.tiernandouieb.co.uk/podcast
• • Donate to the Patreon – www.patreon.com/parpolbro
• • Buy me a coffee – ko-fi.com/parpolbro
• • Review the show on iTunes – itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/partly-political-broadcast/id1075342863?mt=2 
• • Review the show on Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/partly-political-broadcast
• • The Last Skeptik – www.thelastskeptik.com
• • Kat on Twitter – https://twitter.com/chronicleflask
• • Buy Kat a coffee (go on, spread the love) – https://ko-fi.com/katday

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that as butchered as a fit dogger. No, wait. As dogged as a butcher having a fit. No, hang on. As but as a filched dog. Ok I give up, but I can do at least one press up so you’re in safe hands. I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as the Prime Minister and man who everyday looks more and more like he’s being consumed by a scribble Boris Johnson promises that with his new economic policy to save Britain we will not go back to the austerity of 10 years ago, I’m certain that’s because he has something new planned which is worse and it’ll probably be called ‘Being So Poor You Have To Eat Your Shoes For Britain.’

It becomes more and more clear every day that whenever Boris Johnson has evoked the notion of Blitz spirit to deal with the coronavirus pandemic, what he means is that he regrets not being alive then to witness all the buildings being bombed by the Nazis as he could’ve handed out a ton of construction contracts to mates for cheap to build flats no one could afford to live in, and bridges absolutely no one needed. For in this ever rising and unnecessary death toll and a worsening economic crisis, both of which his government have caused as though had they starred in Sophie’s Choice they’d have shouted ‘take both of them’ and boasted about the free time they now had, it takes a special mind to decide that what the country now really needs is the sinking ship to be helmed by even more landlubbers. The Prime Minister and his special advisor Dominic Cummings, the Salacious B Crumb to Johnson’s Jabba The Shit, want to reset the government, even though it’s obvious that turning it off and turning it on again won’t help when all the main components of the machine are corrupted. Probably best just to scrap everything and get a new one entirely. Cabinet Secretary, Head of the Civil Service and National Security Advisor, Mark Sedwill a man with the default face of seeing a surprisingly high gas bill, will be stepping down from his role in September after 30 years in the civil service. Though he’s been in his current top civil servant role for less than two years making him the shortest serving cabinet secretary ever, though that does match a cabinet that keeps coming up short on everything it promises to serve.

In his resignation letter to the PM, Sedwill wrote that ‘we have agreed that I will stand down’ which sounds like saying it’s a mutual business arrangement that you’re being forced at gunpoint to hand over all your cash. Sedwill wanted to move on, said No.10, using the same language it kept asking everyone to do with Dominic Cummings eye test road jolly, and translated means we told him to stop saying anything else out loud or everyone will realise how fucked things are. Who better to replace him in all those roles but someone who has no clue about any of them, Chief Brexit negotiator and constantly mid-way through a difficult shit, David Frost. He’s a Brexiteer so it makes sense that he turns up once someone’s had to leave before fucking it up so there’s no hope of it working again for anyone else in the future. There is concern that this is part of Cummings’ plan to politicise the civil service, but I’d argue that with the hiring of David Frost, what could be more impartial and less biased than a complete lack of useful advice or any semblance of knowledge on issues? This is just the beginning of what is expected to be a major Whitehall shake up, not unlike what US President and rusted wally bird Donald Trump did when he took office, leading to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention to be underfunded and understaffed just in time for a pandemic, but I suppose what was the point in paying them to shout at a human brick wall for four years?

The big question is, just what sort of reform do Johnson and Cummings want instead? It’s very hard to tell from a Prime Minister who thinks the best way to prove he is healthy enough to do his job, is have the a photo in where words go if they’re sent to hell, the Daily Mail, where he appears to be doing a press up. Or humping the floor. Or waking up after a long nap on the carpet where he’s consequently missed 6 COBRA meetings. I’m as fit as a butcher’s dog, he said in the interview, making me wonder if despite his promises of no austerity, he’ll thrive on daily unwanted cuts, while his master Cummings insists on making beef that no one has ordered. To me, it just seems incredibly basic, like his next step will be to get trade deals by showing other countries all the impressions he can do, or how he can jump off a 2 foot wall which is very high, or that he’s managed to collect all the shiny stickers for his panini album, even if he’s put them in all the wrong squares. But maybe I’m the idiot and to everyone else its reassuring that Johnson can go in a press up pose for a still picture for 20 seconds, which means he’s strong, unlike all those other idiots who died of COVID19 because they were unpatriotic or something. But following his diet plan for Britain you can too, as he has drawn up an obesity plan for the country, failing to see that the best fat we could all cut from the land would be him. The proposals include banning buy one get one free promotions from supermarkets, because nothing will help people eat less than making food more expensive for everyone who’s been made unemployed by the virus. It’s very clear that none of the plans for Britain’s future involve the government actively helping to make society better, it’s all up to us. Rather than reform work, make healthy food more affordable and living and working conditions better all of which are proven to lead to a healthier life-style, it’s up to you to get a gastric band fitted in an NHS that already has a year-long backlog. Is this a cry for help from Johnson, a man that’s never been stopped from indulging in everything he does, wishing that if only someone had stepped in and stuck a chastity belt on his skin tag penis and blocked him from spending money on not building bridges that maybe he’d be closer to the man he wants to be. A lazy Trustafarian who’s allowed to sleep in till midday without anyone complaining about care homes being like a zombie apocalypse or that he hasn’t changed either his or his son’s nappies since last week.

Of course, we as the public do have to take responsibility for ourselves and it’s why when Boris Johnson said he wanted to see hustle and bustle, and that seaside towns should have a welcome sign up for visitors, we should’ve been aware that like everything else he said, he meant the exact opposite. Despite the coronavirus, thousands packed onto Bournemouth beach during the heatwave, though I suppose Bournemouth has always been somewhere people go to, to spend their last days. The same occurred on beaches around the country and beauty spots like the Lake District, and with no food outlets or public toilets, people dumped their litter everywhere and left shit in bags for locals to clean up the next day. Malicious carelessness or is it an understanding that the country is in such a mess, that it’s a bit like how I haven’t cleaned my flat in three months because I know no one will be coming round for ages? Or maybe everyone was once again following the examples set by the government and trashing the place while taking a shit over public facilities that people enjoy? Johnson said that people were taking too many liberties, you know, by doing all the things he encouraged them to do and has threatened that beaches may need to be closed if coronavirus infections rise. That sounds too late but I guess it’ll stop people trying to flee our contaminated country and just be trapped here with COVID19 like true patriots. Which is odd as the Prime Minister was known for regularly saying in his after-dinner speeches that the real hero of Jaws was the mayor, who allowed the beaches to stay open despite a whopping great big shark and a lot of what Johnson does seems to be about allowing more access to things he thinks are great and white. I guess maybe he just puts listening to the people first and shutting off our coastlines is what Britain voted for back in 2016.

I’m sure that when pubs open up again on July 4^th it’ll be what people need to act more responsibly and keep their social distance as I’m not sure if you know but alcohol is known for helping people understand boundaries and act sensibly. When you look at the list of types of venue that’s are and aren’t allowed to reopen, it does look like it was decided less by science and more by whatever the Prime Minister likes doing. Pubs, restaurants, getting a haircut and even model villages are all set to return, despite the latter having even less space to social distance in any of its premises. But that fits with what Johnson likes. Drinking, eating, his stupid barnet and towering over the little people. Meanwhile swimming pools remain closed because the Prime Minister always throws himself into the deep end with no ability and bowling alleys can’t open because the Conservatives are always against people having a strike. Theatres, comedy clubs and arts centres still can’t open but the Culture Secretary and the sort of person who probably says they just eat food to eat not for enjoyment Oliver Dowden has released a five stage plan, which is so useless that will probably be the only amount of venues left when the pandemic stops.

You’ll even be able to have a holiday in Europe from July 6^th, thanks to what the government are calling air bridges, which is yet again another land crossing structure that costs money but will never actually materialise. You might think it’s odd that new mothers can’t have partners at the birth of their child yet, or people can’t go to family funerals, or grandchildren can’t see grandparents, but you can hop onboard an airtight cramped metal tube to fly to the Costa Del Sol and cough on someone who’s being underpaid to give you a towel. And it’s incredible timing as the World Health Organisation have said that resurgences of the virus around Europe are alarming. But as Conservative MP who always appears to be on an indefinite student placement Huw Merriman perhaps accidentally said on Channel 4 News, you are less likely to catch the virus abroad than you are in England. It’s strange that European countries aren’t banning us from travelling there when it’s likely we’ll just be bringing more virus over but maybe they’re just used to us insisting on enforcing our culture wherever we go.

Is this the new normal, for us to be in an endless circular pandemic? Maybe that’s our thing once we Brexit that we can boast to the world that despite our finance, car and well, everything sectors being screwed, we’ve successfully kept a virus alive like it was our shitty Tamagotchi. Oh and look, our Prime Minister can pretend to do a press up. I guess maybe it smooths over the lack of post pandemic plan and avoid awkward questions about the inability to restart the country, if we never get over it in the first place? Can we even call the cabinet disaster capitalists when they don’t appear to know or understand what a disaster is, with their bar so low that anything other than the entire country being swallowed by a sinkhole is seen as a level of success? Again, as per every week, I don’t know. But what I do know is that what Johnson, Cummings and his ministers think is the solution is some sort of rearranging of cabinet. As one of those ghost faces you might see in a doctored photo that will haunt your mind for ever Michael Gove says, major changes to the civil service are needed for them to be closer to the people, something that doesn’t sound like they’ll be adhering to social distancing measures. And what better way to make the civil service closer to the people, than by making it look like it’s all their fault that the government have made a number of terrible, terrible decisions?

The Labour Party have stayed consistent in making sure that regardless of what their regeneration is, they will still keep the character trait of self-loathing at the forefront of what they do. Labour Leader and what if someone shoved a hairdryer on full blast into a cockatoo’s face Keir Starmer sacked Rebecca Long Bailey aka a Lowry painting of a quail’s egg, for retweeting an article by actress Maxine Peake in the Independent that contained an anti-Semitic trope as well as a refutation of the trope from the paper. Which in Keir Starmer’s eyes must be tricky because in his legal days, in order to refute a claim, you’d have to state it, or perhaps now the only way to can avoid all implication that you agree with a statement is to never have seen it in the first place. Long-Bailey also tweeted that she didn’t agree with all aspects of the article but also refused to take the tweet down and so Starmer sacked her as part of his zero tolerance to anti-semitism policy. While I have many questions about this, such as if I retweet a full fact article that says people say Bill Gates has a coronavirus vaccine before saying they’re incorrect, does that mean I’m guilty of spreading incorrect rumours, I do think it’s fine to go through with the zero tolerance policy you’ve promised you’ll have. I just wish Starmer would have the conviction to also apply it to his shadow minister and extra from a property show Rachel Reeves who tweeted a thread of admiration for the first female MP Nancy Astor who was a literal Nazi sympathiser. But then the thread didn’t also refute that so maybe it was fine. Also I’d like to see more of that immediately decisive action when it comes to the affairs of the Conservative Party as while its clear one tweet was enough for him to condemn a member of his own party, when it comes to Housing Minister and what happens if you put gloss on a beanbag Robert Jenrick who has evidence stacked up against him of breaching ministerial code, Starmer won’t say that he needs to go. This is my main issue with the Labour leader, who went on the news today to say that the Black Lives Matter’s call to defund the police was nonsense and their protests against hundreds of years of oppression were a ‘moment’ as though hopefully if he ignores it it’ll be finished by tomorrow. Walking cess pit Nigel Farage retweeted Starmer saying he agreed with him so I guess those are the voters Labour would like to get back. It’s a shame he doesn’t expand his zero-tolerance policy to all racism, or he’d have to remove himself for belittling years of oppression. It does seem his main idea of how to take things forward, is to get them to where they were five years ago, you know when people were so happy they voted to leave the European union. Still, I suppose it’s nice for all people who were sick of having no one to represent those who aren’t prepared to think outside the box as it might be cold there and full of things they’d have to think about. Starmer’s like the Eagles of politics and this could be heaven of this could be hell, but we won’t know until there’s been an enquiry into it.

The UK has started work into buying its own sat nav system after we had to leave the European Gallileo one due to Brexit. They’re investing millions of pounds into a company called OneWeb which just sounds an unambitious spider, but experts have said that it’s a fat waste of cash and they don’t even have the right satellite to run a sat nav system. Could you have expected anything else? Who else but the Conservatives would fail to put sat nav plans on the right course and then spend millions of pounds charging into a dead end? HOW IS EVERYTHING THEY DO A METAPHOR FOR BREXIT? Smug ewok and Secretary for Work and Pensions Therese Coffey has announced that benefit sanctions will return this week as they need claimants to have commitment, you know to get all those jobs that don’t exist. Again, its your fault for not getting non-existent jobs, after you caught coronavirus doing what the government told you to do, and you failed to live in a home that wasn’t built. I wouldn’t mind if we were led by Mr Impossible who held everyone to the same high standards as his purple top hatted self, walking on ceilings and flying, but it really grates when it’s by someone who can’t even manage more than one press-up. Ok, I’ll get a job that your non-management of the crisis has destroyed if and when Johnson manages to discover Atlantis and Therese Coffey slays a dragon. The Ministry of Justice has announced that in order to support the economy it is building four new prisons because where else will they put all the claimants who aren’t committed enough to get money from imaginary situations.

A horrific incident in Glasgow on the weekend that saw 6 people stabbed and the attacker, an asylum seeker who’d been housed in a hotel in the city, shot by police. The Scottish government have said they’ll review the treatment of asylum seekers, which is overdue and much needed, and I say that partly selfishly as most of them incoming for the next few years will be from England. The news for Scotland though is that medical experts reckon the country should be coronavirus free by the end of summer, which I think in many parts Scotland is about 5 minutes after it started. Scotland have cleverly not changed their lockdown message from the start with citizens not able to travel further than 5 miles since March but that will change in July. The biggest issue is the open border with zombieland England so may I suggest a quarantine zone in Gretna Green? Only because I reckon it’ll put a lot more people off runaway marriages if they have to live together for two weeks first.

The republic of Ireland finally has a new government, and it only took them 140 days after the election to manage it. It’ll be a coalition after the Green Party decided by majority to prop up a coalition of the two parties that have shared power in Ireland since forever, Finna Fail, Fine Gael. I suppose it does make sense that they’d do that rather than back Sinn Fein, as the Greens are all about reusing old shit.

Yet again the news in the US would require its own podcast but reports have been leaked that show Russian military intelligence paid Taliban fighters to shoot US troops, and Donald Trump has vehemently denied any knowledge of this, which is a fair excuse as seems pretty unaware of most things. Sources say that the President was told about them in his daily intelligence briefings which means that he’s been hiding it from the American public. Incredible that in the UK we have a PM who’s trying to prove himself with press ups and in the US, their supposed leader has been indulging yet again in Russian twists. Iran have issues an arrest warrant for Trump and asked interpol for help, over the drone strike killing of Qassem Soleimani back in January. I’m not saying Iran are always so anti-American, but come on guys, don’t push in the line and deny US citizens the chance to have him arrested first. Trump also retweeted a video of one of his supporters shouting white power, which he then later deleted. The US President said he didn’t hear the racist chant, but I guess it is quite easy to tune out a sound that you hear so regularly.

And incase you weren’t worried about everything enough, as a heatwave engulfs Siberia by the Arctic Circle, eco-pixie Greta Thunberg has said that the world needs to treat Climate Change with the same level of urgency as coronavirus. I agree and also, probably the same methods as if we stopped going anywhere or doing anything at all it’d probably really help. My concern is telling the UK government to operate the same level of plan, means they’ll continue to not bother to tackle global warming till it’s too late, instead indulging in mass coal burning activities for the rich and waiting until vast amounts of people die before saying what would be best is to go to the pub.

And lastly, Leicester looks like it’ll be the first city to have a local lockdown, but having spent hours failing to navigate their one way system, I don’t think anyone is able to escape the city anyway. Annual fraud data shows that more than £50k of antique clocks have been stolen from the Foreign Office but I wonder if this is just part of Dominic Cummings excessive plan to remove all the government old timers. And there will be a TV drama made about the UK government’s coronavirus response. I suggest they call it Twin Peaks.

ADMIN

Hey you. Another week another ‘oh god there’s so much news I’m not sure I should make a joke about’. This is why I’m never on the telly as I’m not edgelordy enough to go ‘here’s a joke that will make you sad because I was never loved’ or not vapid enough to have no opinions whatsoever. I’d have to be on some sort of show that was just for middle aged people who don’t have the energy to take down the system, aren’t keen on upsetting people and mainly want to grumble. Then what would happen is that grumbly middle aged people like me would turn it off after 2 minutes realising that it doesn’t provide any escapism or enjoyment whatsoever and then it’d get cancelled. How are you all doing? I have got over my hayfever issues of last week thanks to my doctor prescribing me a steroid spray for my nose which means I can basically pump iron with my nostrils. Honestly, give me a few more days of nose drugs and I’ll be right out there with a mask just over my dorsum fighting crime calling myself the Incredible Trunk or something. Anyway thanks to EJL on Twitter who sent me an article all about how its city planning that makes hayfever so crap, as there’s loads of male trees, and not enough female, or dioecious trees planted everywhere, so basically these lonely angry male trees are just jizzing everywhere and causing trouble for everyone. It’s a lot like what’s happening in the human world to be honest. Anyway, good to know and please plant more non-male trees if you can, er, I’m not sure where or if you’re allowed to just plant a tree somewhere, probably not, but if you could try before next summer I’d appreciate it.

So welcome back to another episode and cheers for still being here. I’m aware there is less and less time in our lives to listen to this sort of thing, and even less so as we navigate the new normal. Big thank you to Claire and Nick for the ko-fi donations and lovely messages with them this past week and again all of that is, I mean, life saving at the mo, so as per every week, if you do for some weird reason, enjoy this show please do put a £1 or three into the ko-fi.com/parpolbro or join the patreon.com/parpolbro, tell people you know about the show and give it a nice review like Spherical Nick did on Apple Podcasts this week. I love that actual Nickname Nick. Are you spherical in shape or life or just in a roundabout sort of way? I applaud whichever and ta for the lovely words. And look, is there a better way or place I should be asking you to plug this? I say the same handful of boring things each week but if there’s another way to best promote or support the show that you can think of, let me know as I have no excess brain space for new thought right now. And that is of course, how the old power structures of er, donating to a podcast or reviewing it win, because the system wears us down until there’s no time to work out what happens next or something. I was trying to be clever and analogous there but it’s definitely still handy if you send me money and write nice things.

Admin things, sorry if you tried to tune into the Live podcast last week. I was all set up and prepped for it but there were issues on the website Ramble FM and it didn’t work. It’s a new site and they’re asking me to try it and its something I think could be really fun, especially if any of you are keen to call in and have a chat. The issue has now been resolved so I’ll be test running it and trying it again soon, please look on the socials for when. Also I’m going to be doing a gig again, a real one, even though its proper weird. I’m supporting the wonderful Shappi Khorsandi when she does a drive in comedy gig near Brent Cross in London on July 16^th. Yes, I’ll basically be shouting at a car park for 15 minutes before Shappi does the same for 45. If that sounds like your cup of tea and you live near there and drive, check out thedrivein.club for details and tickets. There’s a weird rule where once you’ve parked if you need to leave you have to leave your car there and they get you a cab and you have to pick up your vehicle later in the week, which I think means it’s the cheapest parking in London. So that’s a win.

On this week’s show, I have a guest who is talking about Palestine. Yes, I’m sure some of you have already written me an angry email before I finished that sentence. Look it’s a constantly divisive issue and with anti-Semitism still dominating the Twitter political news cycle, and I can assure you I’ve gone through everything I and my guest said and I’m pretty certain it’s all gravy and I’ve also done a bit one of the areas we talk about before we do. But look, if you’re still really upset with any of the viewpoints that annexing the fuck out of the West Bank and abusing human rights is a horrible thing to do, then please do get in touch and I’ll read out your email on a future episode unless it’s just shouty. I’m joking, what I mean is that if I have got anything wrong, please do let me know. That’s the same with any issues you hear on this show. I don’t want this podcast to be a one-sided debate even though it is because, well, I record it without you there otherwise you’d be in my house and that breaches lockdown rules. Unless I lived in a pub from July, which does make me wonder what landlords will do. Anyway, all I’m saying is I’m always happy to hear from you, unless you’re a parking penalty notice.

INTERVIEW WITH NICOLA

I know it’s hard to remember what with the cavalcade of considerable fuck ups of the British, nay English political system, bringing a daily horror akin to someone letting Goofy be in charge of Trident, but there’s terrible stuff happening elsewhere in the world too. Take for example, Palestine, a country that isn’t even that according to some, and the citizens of which have generally been persecuted for living where they live, something that shouldn’t happen to anyone outside of Croydon. The situation in Palestine can be summed up by knowing that simply by mentioning its name, I’ve caused an argument somewhere but its very hard to see how anyone can justify the annexing of the West bank that Israel plans to start from July 1^st, land grabbing by force from the people that live there, while refusing to give citizenship to those whose home country will change under their feet within days. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who always looks like someone enhanced the photo filter definition on a picture of a sad Caciocavallo cheese and is currently on trial for corruption, said that Israel will apply sovereignty to up to 30% of the West Bank, a phrase that we in the UK know tends to actually mean that it’ll lead to ending a lot of people’s rights and freedoms as well as probably some shit passports. There have been big protests against Netenyahu’s plans by Israeli citizens and globally. Over 50 UN experts, 7 UN European members including France, Germany and surprisingly the UK, as well as many human rights organistions to name but a few, have all said this would be a violation of international law. South African Jewish journalist based in Israel Benjamin Pogrund has said that annexation will be apartheid and even Shadow Foreign Secretary and Dora The Town Explorer Lisa Nandy, who isn’t certain if Donald Trump is racist or not, wants sanctions on goods from illegal Israeli settlements to the UK. Though the Board of Deputies of British Jews have urged Keir Starmer to reject Nandy’s proposals as they’re divisive apparently. You know, unlike annexing people’s land for occupation which is obvs just a cohesive uniting policy for everyone to get behind. And the White House, with old shouty orange indoors, hasn’t actually endorsed the plan yet, despite it unveiling Trump’s vision for peace 6 months ago which again showed that the US President’s idea of peace involves killing off the other side till they stop making a racket. There is a chance that the plan will be diluted or at least delayed with all this international pressure, but to be honest, it’s not made much difference before, and with Israeli air force jets firing on buildings in the Gaza Strip and rockets fired from Gaza towards Israel last week, it does all feel like this won’t really lead to a peaceful outcome, unless you too like to use Trump’s definition of that. And all this during a global pandemic, where the Palestinians can’t stay at home because after Wednesday, it’s likely they’ll be told, yet again, that it isn’t theirs to stay at anymore. And we thought our press up pretending blancmange of a Prime Minister who let 650000 people die was bad. Oh wait, no he is as well and it’s just that everywhere’s on fire. Oh well.

This week I spoke to Nicola Branch, a longtime campaigner, activist and someone’s who’s worked with and raised a lot of money for Medical Aid for Palestinians. I’ve known Nicky for a long time after meeting her when she was in charge of the merch stand at Mark Thomas’s brilliant stand-up shows, and so I asked her all about what this plan means for the people who’ll be losing their homes, if any of the political changes on Israel’s horizon might make a difference and what exactly can be done to help. A few things to mention before kicking off this chat. Firstly, we spoke for about an hour, but I’ve trimmed it down to 40 mins, meaning I’ve left out Nicky telling me some lovely tales of cultural elements of Palestine, one of the details of which was her mentioning how when Mark Thomas did his Walking The Wall show as he walked the entire length of the separation barrier between Israel and Palestine, he actually put on weight due to all the food the people he met would make for him. I will either put these extra bits out as a bonus pod, or on the Patreon or somewhere soon.

Secondly, as you may have noticed, the anti-Semitism argument has been raging online again, what with Rebecca Long-Bailey’s sacking for retweeting an article that had a claim and a refutation of the claim by the editors in the same piece but I’m mostly just in shock that Keir Starmer actually decided on something for once. Then on Sunday there was the Black Lives Matter movement saying British politics has been gagged of the right to critique Zionism.

Palestine voices

Nicky mentions Zionism a few times in our chat and I ask her about it and I thought before we get there, as this is a subject stickier than our sofa once my daughter, sorry agent, has poured apple juice all over it, again, that Zionism is, by definition, a nationalist movement, that believes in the Jewish state in the historic land of Israel that was created after the persecution of Jewish people in World War 2, with the belief that Jews would not be safe unless they had their own state. Not all Jewish people are Zionists and to make this even more complicated, there are at least three forms of Zionism if you include Black Zionism as created by Marcus Garvey. But forgetting that one for a mo because its honestly not helpful right now, there is left wing Zionism which believes, like many sensible types, in a two-state solution. Then there is right-wing Zionism which many now mean when referring to Zionism, as it’s what the ruling parties in Israel have followed since at least the late 70s and they believe that Palestine has no right to exist. Criticism of Zionism isn’t in the IHRA definition of anti-Semitism, but using Zionists to incorrectly mean all Jewish people, or blaming all Jewish people for Israel’s actions or the ills of the world is. Right? I should have said ‘right wing zionism’ when I talk about it in the interview, but I didn’t because I’m an amateur. I’m sure I’ll get at least 6 angry emails about this either way, not least from Marcus Garvey fans who think I mean that he’s not helpful which isn’t what I said, why does no one listen? Anyway, as always, if you have any issues with any of this, then write to moi and I’ll read them all out and I promise it won’t be in a silly voice.

Phew! Right, here is Nicky:

INTERVIEW WITH NICOLA PART 1

And we’ll be back with Nicky in a minute but first…

Ok it’s a long old episode this one as it is, so here’s a very quick COVODDS and COVSODS

• An apple a day keeps the doctor away right? Though I wouldn’t advise lobbing it at health professionals should they approach as that’s not nice and I also wouldn’t recommend you try to cure all ailments with a granny smith. But we can all agree fruit and veg is important, which is why as the Prime Minister launches his new Boris Diet which seems to mostly involve other people doing all the hard work, its odd that the government have taken away vitamins from kids. The Schools Fruit and Veg scheme was launched in 2000 and entitled every child aged 4-6 a piece of fruit at school to make sure they got one of their 5 a day. It meant 2.3m kids in over 16000 schools across England got an apple from their teacher without even having to do a good collage for it. But this scheme was suspended during the coronavirus pandemic out of worries that food would go to waste what with not many kiddies being in classrooms and schools closing. Except, there don’t appear to be any plans to restart it again and many school PTAs are currently having to fund it themselves on the little donations they have. The government didn’t make a big fuss about it as it turns out already having the legacy of Margaret Thatcher milk snatcher, they probably didn’t want everyone to come up with Johnson, Johnson, leaves children’s 5 a day needs to ransom. Ok that doesn’t work. There is a petition going round to restart it but it doesn’t have too many signatures right now, and based on how it took a well known footballer just to get the government to agree to not starve kids, the Schools Fruit and Veg scheme probably won’t come back unless someone like Beyonce decides to kick off about it. I’ve popped the petition in the podcast blurb and fingers crossed something changes but it’s sad that the government promises to not overload the NHS and get people healthy but at the same time actively stops kids from liking any apples.
• The Green Alliance think tank says that £14bn more funding a year is needed if the UK would like to tackle any of their commitments to tackle climate change, for once. Johnson is making a big speech this week on the economic proposals to get the country back up and running but what we know so far seems to be that it includes a lot of money for roads, which unless people are going to cycle down the middle of them or start riding donkeys again, doesn’t show much enthusiasm for a greener country. There’s a lot of call for the new normal to be a green one, from the public and businesses as everyone’s enjoyed not chuffing on car farts as much during the crisis and hearing birds sing about shagging each other every morning. The best way to make things more environmentally friendly? Retro-fitting buildings with energy saving measures and cycle lanes, followed by electric ferries, and reforestation among others, with some suggesting that better broadband would mean more people could continue to work from home, which would save on polluting travel and also water as people don’t wash clothes as often, sitting in the same pants on zoom calls as they have done all week. Just me? Oh. Oh dear. A number 10 spokesperson has said that the PM wants the UK to have the most ambitious environmental programme of any country on earth. Considering our track and trace app was meant to be world beating then didn’t even happen, I’m expecting that this time next week I’ll be telling you that Boris Johnson has vowed to spend 400bn on throwing coal into a fire the size of Derby.
• The home office has ended its suspension of asylum evictions meaning that any asylum seekers in government funded accommodation have to leave by the end of June. I mean there’s nothing more comforting to someone who’s escaped persecution or war to find that they’re not remotely welcome in the place they’ve fled to for shelter. The government say they are helping councils to get these people onto the social housing ladder, which already has too many steps and is far too narrow for the amount of people that need to get on it. Councils are also having to deal with the surge of homeless people leaving their emergency accommodation and people who will be made homeless when the rented accommodation eviction ban ends, and they can no longer afford to pay their rent. The Home Office have, unsurprisingly, not really said much or offered any guidance, but it does seem like they very much won’t live up to their name yet again.

And now back to Nicky…

INTERVIEW WITH NICOLA PART 2

Thanks tons to Nicky for having the time to chat. You can find her on Twitter @SLonCycling4Pa1 and I’ll put a link to her fundraiser for Medical Aid for Palestine in the podcast blurb. Please do donate and support if you can. Medical Aid For Palestine can be found at www.map.org.uk or on Twitter @MedicalAidPal. I’ll put the links and suggestions Nicky recommended on the page on partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk for this episode if you fancy a look there.

Who on this pod shall I do talking to next? I’m still looking for someone to talk to about education and schools going back, I’d love to talk to an epidemiologist or someone who can talk about the supposed science the government have been following too. But I’m aware there’s so much I haven’t covered on this show. What are they? Who does do the knowing about them things? Let me know, and drop me a line with any suggestions for interviewees to the @parpolbro Twitter account, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page at partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or you could charge down to an overcrowded beach and spell it out using all the poo you’ve had to do in bags and various bits of litter you’ve left there, and authorities will probably think the person you’ve suggested has signed their name with everything they dumped. They’ll get fined and definitely won’t be all that happy talking to the person who suggested this method of communication in the first place. As always, it’s probably best to email isn’t it?

END

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast and yes, once again you’ve made it all the way to the finale of the show which means it is time yet again for a PARPOLBROHOTPOLGOSSFACT. And as Boris Johnson thinks a still photograph of him humping the floor shows he can do press ups do you know which politician was actually the sportiest? No, it wasn’t Abraham Lincoln winning all but one of the wrestling matches he took part in. I really hope his finishing move was called the Emancipation Proclamation and he just let his opponent go free. Nor is it Japanese politician Ryoko Tami Tamura who remained unbeaten at judo for 12 years and won two Olympic gold medals. I mean what better to take into a political career than a series of grappling techniques. But actually, as much as I joke about his press up attempts, Boris Johnson is the sportiest politician because throughout his career, if you can call it that, in politics, he’s never around when you need him as he’s always run a mile. Yeah, the PARPOLBROHOTGOSSFACT! And if you enjoyed that or hated it so much it’s given you the drive to finally sort out that cupboard just so you can sit in it and not listen to this, then please do spread the word about this podcast and its uses to all your chums and mums and mums of chums, give the show a nice review on your podcast apps and donate if you can to the ko-fi or patreon because the virus killed my job.

Cheers m’dears to Acast, my brother The Last Skeptik who has a new single ‘   ‘ out now, Kat Day and Mushybees.

This will be back next week when Boris Johnson announces that his new economic plan for the country is investment in a massive bridge over everything that his government have neglected.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by ‘Be Poor For Britain’. You want to help your country patriot? Well we need you to not eat very much, be unable to afford your bills and try your best to get jobs that existed over 10 years ago in order to help the country and pay for a paint job on the Prime Minister’s plane. The only way out of this virus filled, economic hellhole situation is by plane and the PM insists that he needs it to go on holiday while you all demand things of him. So good citizen! Be Poor For Britain, it’s the only way to make sure this country stays for the British, as frankly no one else will want to visit once they see the state we’re in.

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