Vacuums of Integrity – Johnson’s pockets, Cummings’ Return, Elections 2021 and Rhian E Jones on the Preston Model

Released on Monday, April 26th, 2021.

Vacuums of Integrity – Johnson’s pockets, Cummings’ Return, Elections 2021 and Rhian E Jones on the Preston Model

The problem with accusations that Boris Johnson said or did something awful, isn’t that they might be seen as gossip or nonsense, but more with boredom that its yet another one and we’re tired of repeats. More corruption, the return of the Dominic Cummings character but in an anti-hero but still villainous role and look at the elections on May 6th. Plus Rhian E Jones (@RhianEJones) on her new book ‘Paint Your Town Red’ about the Preston model and community wealth building.

PRE-ORDER RHIAN’S BOOK ‘PAINT YOUR TOWN RED’ HERE: https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Matthew-Brown/Paint-Your-Town-Red–How-Preston-Took-Back-Control-and-Your-Town-Can-Too/25651480

RHIAN’S WEBSITE IS HERE: https://rhianejones.com/rhian-e-jones-publications/

RED PEPPER MAGAZINE: https://www.redpepper.org.uk/subscribe/

BRITISH BOXERS – GET 10% OFF WITH THE CODE ON THE PODCAST: https://british-boxers.com/

PLEASE HELP TIERNAN SURVIVE ALL OF THE COMEDY NOT COMING BACK TILL JULY AT THE VERY EARLIEST:

Donate to the Patreon at www.patreon.com/parpolbro

Buy me a coffee at https://ko-fi.com/parpolbro

OR FIND THE ACAST SUPPORTER BUTTON WHEREVER IT IS

REVIEW THE PODCAST AT: https://lovethepodcast.com/parpolbro

USUAL PODCAST WAFFLE:

LOOK AT TIERNAN’S FANCY NEW WEBSITE AND SIGN UP TO THE MAILING LIST: www.tiernandouieb.co.uk/

Follow us on Twitter @parpolbro, on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/ParPolBro/ and the fancy webpage at http://www.partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk

Music by The Last Skeptik (@thelastskeptik) – https://www.thelastskeptik.com/ – Subscribe to his podcast Thanks For Trying here.

THIS EPISODE IS TAGGED WITH: • Boris Johnson, Brexit, Comedy, Conservatives, coronavirus, corruption, COVID contracts, COVID-19, Dominic Cummings, Elections 2021, EU, European Super League, Holyrood, Hospitals, Humour, India, James Dyson, Keir Starmer, ko-fi, Labour, lobbying, local elections, Lockdown, London, Matthew Brown, NHS, Nicola Sturgeon, Oliver Dowden, Paint Your Town Red, parliament, Patreon, podcast, political, politics, PPE, Preston, Preston Council, privitisation, Renovations, restrictions, Rhian E Jones, satire, schools, Scottish elections, self isolation, Senedd, SNP, stand-up, The Last Skeptik, The Preston Model, Tiernan Douieb, Vaccine, vaccines, virus

Transcript

Ep229

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that swaps sleaze for cheese, text leaks with mild cheek and corruption with an overwhelming desire to live in another country that isn’t run by the worst people on the planet. I’m Tiernan Douieb and as Downing Street insists the Prime Minister and inspiration for unmixed bowls of congealed custard that want to get rich Boris Johnson covered the No.10 flat renovation from his own pocket, we all know that’s not true as he’s never been able to keep his trousers on long enough to make use of them like that.

It is a depressing situation when a leaked report states that the Prime Minister said that he would rather see ‘bodies piled high in their thousands’ than order a third lockdown and our first thought is not to assume it’s inflammatory gossip but more surprise that he managed not to say it during a press conference at 6pm on live TV. It might also be intrigue as to whether he meant people dying from COVID or simply his wishes for the next sex party he attends at his pal and like someone took a biro to a picture of a gnome Evgeny Lebedev’s castle. Or maybe even just the sheer amounts of dead cats that thrown around in order to distract from the even worse stories than him wishing people were dead. In fact, there are so many so-called dead cats under Johnson and his government that it’s probably right to suspect that they are all in fact true and we just have to come to terms with the country being led by people so incompetent and selfish they couldn’t even care for a household pet without it going horribly wrong.

Of-course Johnson would say such a thing in the same way that he called an effort to buy ventilators last year ‘Operation Last Gasp’, something that we assumed at the time was a tactless reference to people with COVID but could have been in reference to how he’d hand out contracts like they were a bounty to take out Britain.

You can be certain that Johnson did offer to fix the tax issue for the man who invented the bagless vacuum simply by looking in the mirror James Dyson, so that he would come back to the UK to make ventilators during the pandemic. I mean in a time of dire need why call in UK companies that already make ventilators and who pay their taxes, when you could get a man whose entire modus operandi is to love Britain so much he treats it like one of his products would and sucks it dry before moving on. It’s like dealing with an earthquake by ignoring all local response teams and hiring some kleptomaniacs to help tidy up instead insisting that you’ll turn a blind eye to their full backpacks at the end of the day.

Dyson’s ventilators weren’t needed in the end, presumably because the last thing that would help someone who’s unable to breathe is having the dust covered, dog haired end of a Cyclone V10 shoved down their throat, but the government says all their offers to allow Jimmy Dyson to only contribute to the country while automatically taking away from it were simply doing everything they could to get the right equipment. But as always, their attitude to the task is that of someone who has absolutely no understanding of the task and would treat being asked to make a sandwich out of the bread and cheese on the table in front of them by calling their friend 700 miles away and waving a credit card at them to hire in a team of chefs to make the ingredients from scratch and it won’t arrive until everyone’s already died of hunger.

Plato said that similarity begats friendship, so it makes sense that Boris Johnson, with the moral code of a piranha on cocaine, wouldn’t have friends at all but just a long list of people just as willing to stab his back as he theirs, like a big stabby ouroboros. You’re thinking, but Tiernan snakes don’t have arms, how could they hold knives. And I would say, this is exactly the sort of thing the current government would fail to think through and pointlessly spend millions trying to do anyway. Johnson blamed the Dyson text leaks on former Special Advisor Dominic Cummings, a man who regularly exceeds expectations by being able to talk instead of endlessly releasing a high-pitched whining noise as you’d assume he was only capable of. Reports say Johnson spoke to newspaper editors directly and in the paper’s words not mine, fingered Cummings directly. Which I suppose explains why he felt like he had to give him a pay rise of taxpayer’s money. This is what I mean about a complete inability to understand consequences, as accusing a man who is known for being as stable and reliable as a rope bridge in an Indiana Jones film, of releasing leaked texts is only going to come back and bite you harder. In Cummings case, probably literally as he foams from the mouth and shouts something about a moon base. So, Dominic Cummings wrote in his blog, presumably while hunched over, typing with one finger with all the fury of someone who posts comments under online articles, that it was sad to see the PM and his office fall so far below the standards of competence and integrity the country deserves. Wow. Like having a steaming cow pat call you a piece of shit. The rest of his blog included offers to reveal other texts that he does have access to and would happily leak, and that Cummings told Johnson his plans to have secret donors pay for the Downing Street flat renovations was unethical and illegal. Which you’d think would mean he’d be up for it. There have been a lot of concerns about No.10 flat renovations coming from donors hoping that by paying to make sure Johnson has somewhere comfy to put his arse they might well be allowed to skip tax when not providing ventilators. This of course would have implications of lobbying, tax evading issues and generally make us aware that there are people out there stupid enough to give thousands to the Prime Minister just so he can say the stains on his trousers are definitely from plastering renovations. The government is meant to publish the register of member’s interests twice a year but hasn’t since July last year. Maybe they think it’s not worth it when most of the details are available by just looking at the Health Secretary’s family tree.

Following Dom’s blog post, the report about the ‘bodies piled high’ comment was given to the Daily Mail from an unnamed source which as we all know by now is Dominic Cummings middle name, as rich people always have loads of those. And this has kickstarted a queue of everyone that Johnson has shown loyalty and kindness too have stepping up to reciprocate. First up Former Attorney General and haunted Sam The Eagle Dominic Grieve said the Cummings accusations are illustration of the chaos Johnson brings and called him a vacuum on integrity, which I’m certain is also a tagline for Dyson products. Johnny Mercer, with the appearance of failed television chef, was sacked from his post as Veterans Minister or as he says, was forced to resign, because he was unhappy that changes to the Overseas Operations Bill meant it won’t allow soldiers to get away with torture, genocide and crimes against humanity. Which I suppose does seem unfair when the British government are totally allowed to do all those things. One rule for them yadda yadda yadda. Mercer is a constant advocate for British soldiers to be allowed to get away with all sorts of shit, you know in the way that someone who’s done three tours in Afghanistan definitely wouldn’t want protection against heinous shit they’d done coming out into the public. After being discharged, Mercer said that Johnson’s government were a cesspit, and said it was the most distrustful, awful environment he’d ever worked in. So I suppose that explains why they thought he would be an appropriate team member for quite so long.

The government have wheeled out all their very best players to defend the Prime Minister, which of course, means by their standards it’s only the least appropriate MPs who’ve been doing the news rounds. International Trade Secretary and only person who’s had an IQ test resign due to unfair treatment Liz Truss collapsed onto all the news shows giving answers like she’d had to rehearse them for days in order to remember how words work. She insisted that the Prime Minister has definitely paid for the flat renovation from his own pocket, but it doesn’t say who put the money in there for him to take out, as he’s only ever filled them with wank socks and baggies. Cabinet Minister and most hilariously named Conservative since James Cleverly, Lord True, said all the work had been done by longstanding Downing Street contractors, probably because Johnson wouldn’t let them sit on the new sofas bought for him by pals. And Defence Secretary and man who always appears to have the sheen of being covered in a light chip fat Ben Wallace said that the Prime Minister had complied with the rules, but he didn’t say which ones and it could well be the ones from Corruption: The Board Game. Wallace also said that the reports in the Daily Mail that Johnson had made comments about bodies piled high were false. So that means a paper that lies reporting a man who lies saying a man who lies is lying, has been called a liar by a government that’s known for lying. If it wasn’t so depressing it’d at least be a fun riddle to try and work out exactly which one is telling the truth, with the sad answer being none of them and maybe we should emigrate now. As we know, of course Johnson said those comments like when he was Foreign Secretary he said Libyan city Sirte could be like Dubai if they just cleared away all the dead bodies, or how time and time again he’s avoided meeting the bereaved families of those lost to COVID but would meet pissed off football fans last week after the news of the European Super League because there’s only one sort of passing he’s sympathetic to. That is the same European Super League that showed the government can intervene in corporate greed if they can be bothered and it doesn’t involve any of their friends. Though it’s since been revealed that originally No.10 were entirely on-side with the elitist football grab until they realised none of the public were and decided that this time they should play at home for the best results, despite not really having a loyalty to any team other than their own.

Isn’t this all just gossip and the endless Westminster Soap Opera that it’s been said by guests on this show time and time again isn’t the real politics that actually matters? Well yes, but you can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep, and it seems that for Johnson, all the company he keeps also think he’s an absolute lying prick. I have no care for Cummings, a morally bereft man who acts like a malnourished Begbie, and ultimately, I’m hoping there’s a way both he and Johnson can lose from this. I really hope its Cummings Darth Vader moment, and by that I mean that he too dies at the end. But if the Prime Minister’s inability to have loyalty to anything other than his genitals means his own downfall comes from within his circle of fuckery, then it’s probably the sort of end he deserves. Second only to falling off a bridge he paid millions to fail to complete, before landing in a ditch and dying.

It also fits in with everything that the government have been involved in over the pandemic and before. I mean here’s a quick list of the past week of things you’ll be massively unsurprised by:

A fifth of the government COVID contracts have raised the red flag for corruption by Transparency International Ltd, but I suppose for the Conservatives that’s just more flags so if they could just find a way for it to raise statues too, they’d still think they were winning the culture war.
The £2.6m room for White House style press conferences in Downing Street has now been scrapped after a total of four uses, because it seems they misunderstand the word briefing, but the Russian firm that built it will still have been paid.
During a speech at US president and Flop from Bing Joe Biden’s virtual climate summit Johnson rambled nonsensically about how tackling climate change is about growth and jobs, not expensive bunny hugging. I give it days before we find out that Bunny Hugger is the name of someone Johnson cheated on his wife with over a decade ago and then gave £200k of state funding to start a crypto currency or something.
When asked by Huffpost Politics Editor Paul Waugh if after Greensill lobbying and Johnson’s relationship with Jennifer Arcuri the Nolan Principles of ethical standards expected of public office holders are still relevant, Johnson just said ‘yes’ and then immediately moved on. Maybe this is because he thought Waugh was referring to Christopher Nolan where all the principles are based on Inception and the belief he can get away with anything if he insists it happened in a dream.

It’s all now pretty much what we expect from a man who’d almost do better to say ‘yep I did make that comment about bodies piled high’ as we’d all be so staggered that he’d actually admitted to something we knew he’d definitely done, there might be an iota of respect restored from the pit it was long buried in. He doesn’t need to admit to it though as the Conservatives will still poll highly, because the mentality is that of Johnson’s biographer who says he thinks the Prime Minister may well have made those comments but they will strengthen his reputation as a man who talks as a man in the pub would. Yes, welcome to Britain, where we only vote in leaders with the same strength of character as weird Steve, the smelly man who sits in the dark corner drinking the strongest cider and shouting racist things and conspiracy theories before pissing himself and falling asleep. Makes you proud.

The outbreak of COVID in India is currently so severe that hospitals are running out of beds, all the while the Prime Minister and what if gnomes were nationalist Narendra Modi and his government have been dealing with the crisis by blocking all criticism of them on social media, deciding its best to starve critics of the oxygen of publicity and also actual oxygen. The UK, EU and US are all sending aid with Boris Johnson pledging to stand side-by-side with India as its number of coronavirus cases have reached record levels. No Johnson, you have to be at least 2 metres away. Have you learned nothing?

And lastly, in the UK, a new TV advert is being rolled out to encourage the under 50’s have their vaccine because those selfish bastards have refused to get something that hasn’t been available to them until now. The TV advert will say ‘every vaccination gives us hope’ so I’m worried everyone will want 10 of them in order to help beat the deficit.

ADMIN

Howdy, howdy, let’s get rowdy. What’s going on ParPolBrods? You may have noticed – or maybe you didn’t, I don’t want to guess your levels of news alertness – that there are a number of news bits I didn’t mention on this week’s intro. Derek Chauvin being found guilty, for example, and that’s because I couldn’t find anything to say about it other than ‘good. Fuck him.’ Which isn’t really a joke. There were some brilliant ones on Twitter, including someone pointing out ‘extremely cool to be so relieved that the man filmed in HD video murdering someone was found guilty of murder’. I mean, yep. It’s so nuts that the possibility he wouldn’t be was so real. So anyway, I have nothing on that, and nothing on Nazanin Zahari Ratcliffe facing another year in jail in Iran or all that much on India being totally fucked. Those stories are all too awful and my brain can’t find a way to make them funny this week, so you’ll have to wait for the tragedy + time equation to kick in. I instead had a weekend of seeing actual friends again, outside obviously in the sort of weather that really makes you debate if renewed social interaction is worth catching pneumonia for. But it was, and so damn good to see pals. I appreciate how massively unappealing this may sound for some of you, but there was a moment where I was sat with 4 very close friends and one of them realised, we’d not discussed the season 2 finale of the Mandalorian, and we all had a postponed massive geek out about it. It was weird to suddenly realise, ah yeah, that’s what I’ve been missing. Being with other 40-year-old men that have absolutely refused to grow up. Lovely.

Nothing much else to say this week, except the usual thank yous to Conal and Taz for their monthly ko-fi donations which is hella kind of you. And you know, the usual if you would like to donate skibbedy dibbedy doo blahedy blahedy blah at ko-fi.com/ParPolBro blah patreon.com/ParPolBro, thingymajig Acast Supporter Site. Why have donations to your podcast decreased Tiernan? No idea mate. I’m definitely pushing it super hard on the podcast. And obvs review, shout about it, get on with your life, eat a sandwich.

Now that’s done, let’s crack on with this week’s show which has an interview with Rhian E Jones, author of ‘Paint Your Town Red’, a guide to community wealth building and lemme just say, I devoured this book with my eyes last week and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I am excited for you to hear all about it. And then read it. I won’t read the whole book to you, that would be excessive and I think the publishers would get sad. In the middle, a little guide to the May 6^th elections for they be approachin’.

INTERVIEW WITH RHIAN

According to Boris Johnson, Brexit was all about taking back control and voting for the Conservatives to win the 2019 election was in order to level up Britain. But the only way either of those are true is if this country is a computer game and you’ve been giving a faulty joypad and sent straight to where things get immeasurably harder and you’ve none of the power ups to survive it. Of course, if you are a Conservative voter or more accurately, donor, then indeed you have taken back control of things you really shouldn’t be allowed control of in the first place, and you’ve levelled up from being a company that has been largely defunct for years to becoming a specialist in PPE procurement. So, I guess it did ring true for some. But for many others, including myself, it’s easy to feel absolutely powerless to make political change happen especially in an era where few protests make a dent and they’re going to be made illegal anyway, the government are doing what they like with zero accountability and the opposition’s entire strategy seems to be based on hoping if they wait around long enough then eventually, they might get a turn once everyone else gets bored. But what if, and bear with me on this – grrrr, no, the other type of bearing with me – what if, politics isn’t actually dependent on everything happening at a national level and there’s a way that your local area could shun the standard how-to of dealing with ten years of austerity by selling off every scrap of public land left and reducing social care to one person who texts ‘ru ok hon?’ to every resident twice a year. Well, if you live in Preston, you’re already miles ahead of the game on this, as thanks to the council’s efforts to democratise wealth at a local level, the city has actually, properly, genuinely taken back control and if you like that chat, levelled up to be voted the best place to work and live in the North-East for four years in a row. Which is pretty amazing for a place that Google autocomplete in 2018 would finish the sentence ‘Preston is’ with ‘a dump.’ Though let’s be fair, all it takes is inventive foresight and an ability to imagine what changes could happen, to make a dump into something rather magical. Yes, I do have to watch Junk Rescue on Cbeebies with my daughter and no Preston isn’t just full of sock puppets with hair and guitars made out of cereal boxes, that wouldn’t be actually levelling up, would it? Unless you previously only had a guitar made out of a matchbox I suppose. Sorry, what I mean is that the Preston Model has inspired similar thinking all over the UK and it does make you wonder, if the national government are just going to ruin everything then maybe the trick is to keep things local. Except yoghurts obviously as the full fat ones are much nicer. Fact.

This week I spoke to Rhian E Jones, a journalist and author who along with Preston Council Leader Matthew Brown, has written a book all about how people, ie you and your chums, can transform society in a clear, actually doable way. ‘Paint Your Town Red’ details not just what Preston have managed to do, other areas that like the Welsh Valleys that have followed in its footsteps and most importantly how you and your area can start with community wealth building, cooperatives, credit unions and land stewardship projects. Or to put in simpler terms, lots of things that mean where you live can stop being, as google might rudely put it ‘a dump’. The book isn’t out till May 11^th but Rhian kindly agreed to tell me all about it. I also had a chance to read it and can honestly say it’s one of the most inspiring reads on potential ways around the absolute shit show the UK is currently in. So I asked Rhian all about just what the Preston Model is, if there’s any way this can mean we just don’t need the government anymore as that would be nice, what we can do with the local elections coming up and why local yoghurts are the worst. Ok, not the last one. Hope you enjoy and feel motivated as a result. Here is Rhian:

INTERVIEW WITH RHIAN PART 1:

And we’ll be back with Rhian in a minute but first…

MIDDLE BIT

Dunno if you know but there’s a whole heap of elections going on next week all on May 6^th, which also happens to be International No Diet Day but that doesn’t mean you should vote for a cheat day with it. And oh, there be cheats across the spectrum of places you can vote, from the 25 candidates running for Welsh Assembly seats even though they don’t actually live in Wales and couldn’t vote for themselves, to the series of disgruntled divorced dads trying to become London mayor in the hope it might mean someone loves them again. There’s also some good uns and of course, whatever you might think, these elections will make a difference of sorts, even if it’s just that it’ll give Laurence Fox something else to cry about leaving him even less time to tweet bollocks.

So, first up is the Scottish Parliament elections for MSP seats. All 129 seats are up for grabs, and right now it’s looking like SNP are gonna get a majority. WHAT? NO WAY? YEAH, I KNOW RIGHT WHO COULD’VE GUESSED OH WAIT EVERYONE. Labour are in second place, Conservatives third because some English people moved to Scotland and live there now, then Greens, Lib Dems, and then right in the dregs of popularity are all the parties that look like they thrive there. Rejected potato Alex Salmond’s Alba Party, Reform UK which was formerly the Brexit Party and loud vole George Galloway’s All For Unity party which seems to have been named for its aims to bring together some of the worst people possible. Then somehow below them, if there is such a place without falling out of the other side of the earth, are UKIP, yes still, no I have no idea how either, the Scottish Libertarian Party who should be very happy if people do what they want and not vote for them, and Abolish The Scottish Parliament who, yeah, well are obviously running out of self-loathing. The elections for MSP works with both a first past the post, and proportional representation system. So, each constituency votes for an MSP who will win via first past the post, and then an additional 7 MSPs using the additional member system. Which yes does sounds like someone has an extra penis. That’s probably the All For Unity party there. They have several. But that system means that every vote counts and you can vote both tactically and for smaller parties you actually might like. I’m not going to go into what each and every party says they’re standing for, as its pretty easy to find online, but an obvs on is stances on Scottish Independence which the SNP, Greens and Alba are for, and pretty much everyone else isn’t because if there was a border between Scotland and England it’d make it harder for their lobbyists to travel over. Climate change has come up in the debates too but for voters, healthcare is the main concern, followed by employment and welfare, then education, Brexit and then Independence and climate change and despite a current crisis in rent rises, housing is last. SNP have been the largest party in Scottish parliament since 2007, and it looks this time round like they’re going to increase their seats for Holyrood since 2011, so if voters have problems with how things have been running so far, they obviously think its someone else’s fault or the other parties would be even worse. Which I mean, look at Douglass Ross with his windblasted pob face, they’re probably right.

Next is the Senedd, formerly the Welsh Assembly, and there are 60 seats up for grabs here. Its currently looking like Labour will keep their majority with 40% in the polls, but the Welsh Conservatives have a 9 point poll boost in second, followed by Plaid Cymru and the Lib Dems. Again, UKIP are somehow still clinging on, because I suppose if they left they’d be immigrants and have to hate themselves. Then running in some regions is the Greens, Reform fucking UK, the Welsh Independence parties Propel & Gwlad, the Freedom Alliance whoever the fuck they are, and the Abolish the Welsh Assembly Party because I suppose you have to have a hobby. And finally on regional ballots only, the Communist party of Britain, the trade union party TUSC Wales and the Welsh Christian party who based on their values don’t seem to be all that bothered about the Christian or the Welsh bits of their name. But what is a regional ballot only? Good question me. Every voter in Wales has two votes. One of them is a vote for a Senedd member for the constituency, which is a first past the post system. And then, like Scotland, the second vote is proportional representation for regional seats and some candidates are running for both because its allowed. This is the first vote 16- and 17-year-olds can take part in and so they goddamn should. The biggest issue according to polls amongst voters is the economy post Brexit and COVID and supposedly 35% of Welsh people support independence but only 19% are saying they’ll vote for pro-independence party. So prob not much change except that with most UKIP voters now going Tory, they’ll do better this time around as Neil Hamilton and his crew wither away which again, I suppose is no different to normal. I really hope he loses his seat and they hand him the results in a brown envelope under the table. There are 25 candidates who don’t even live in Wales, with 23 of them in England, 1 in Scotland and one in the Isle of Man so you should probably check who you’re voting for as if they don’t even know the area it’s questionable how much they’ll want to do for it, let alone how often they’ll be around to complain to. Three of them are Conservative candidates, three are UKIP, five are Freedom Alliance, Five Reform UK, one’s a Lib Dem, two are from Abolish the Welsh Assembly because of course they are, one’s for the trade union and socialist coaliation and most curiously and three are Gwald who want Welsh independence. I suppose nothing could be more independent than them leaving the country to do its own thing I guess.

Elections for 143 English local councils, around 5000 seats are up for elections and if you listen to this week’s interview, you’ll hear just how important these votes are. Currently 54 of these councils are held by Labour, 47 by Conservatives, 6 by Lib Dems, 33 have no overall control and 3 are new councils so get to see all the excitement of how awful the people in their area are. This is straight up first past the post electing but, with every council ward having several seats, voters get a vote per seat. That might mean one vote, or in larger wards, several so up to you how you play your crosses. There are shit loads of parties running, aside from the obvious, and plenty of brilliant independent candidates too such as Ashley Baxter in Market Deeping who is a pod listener and thoroughly excellent man keeping the local Conservatives at bay. So if you’re round there, def vote for him. There’s also 13 mayoral seats up for election, including combined authority mayors who are big time mayors of all the councils in the region like in Manchester, Liverpool and Cambridgeshire, and single authority mayors who sound more lonely but actually have a nice time in charge of one city council. And of course the London Mayoral election is happening though Alternate Universe Martin Freeman Sadiq Khan is very likely to win again as his main competition is Idiot Martian Manhunter Shaun Bailey who is quite easily one of the stupidest people to run for office, having spend vast amounts of his campaign in areas where people can’t actually vote for him, and seems to be mainly keen to get rid of cycle lanes, lie about things and steal the Cillit Bang logo for his own, seemingly unaware that he’s more likely to be wiped off the electoral map more quickly than anyone else. Saying that, he’s still got 28% of the polls at the mo which is bizarre and clearly down to the suburbs. The Lib Dem candidate Luisa Porritt is 3^rd, then Sian Berry for Greens, then two youtubers, one who does prank videos, and one who does parodies because lets face it, if Shaun Bailey can run they may as well. Then a whole heap of weird red faced men, and Count Binface who is currently beating attention seeking cheese twist Laurence Fox. Its so fucking weird.

There’s 39 Police and Crime Commisioner positions going too which after the last year

seems like a more important election than before, and of course, lastly but no means leastly, there is the Hartlepool-by-election, following the resignation of Roland Rat impersonator and MP Mike Hill. Labour are hoping to retain the seat, which they’ve done by parachuting in Paul Williams, a man who lost an election a way down the road in Stoke, was pro-Remain which Hartlepool was definitely not, and gets paid by the Saudi Arabian government to say they are progressive. So, the Conservatives are currently looking likely to win, which will be the first time in forever for that area and will increase the Tories already dangerous parliamentary majority. In third place, beating the Greens, Lib Dems and Reform UK, are the Northern Independence Party who are putting forward a former Labour candidate and former teacher Thelma Walker and have a genuinely exciting, progressive manifesto and seem to be attracting the youth vote that have abandoned Labour as a result. Also, their online meme game is amazing. Walker is having to run as an independent candidate due to the NIP’s failing to register with the electoral commission before the deadline. And, worth also saying that the Monster Raving Loony party are putting forward their candidate The Incredible Flying Brick which is always brilliant.

So that’s all of it. I didn’t want to patronise you to tell you to register to vote, but if you have then definitely do and vote for who you believe in too. Which is why I’m putting my vote in for Odin the Allfather.

And now back to Rhian…

INTERVIEW WITH RHIAN PART 2

Thanks tons to Rhian for that and for her book that really, you should all go read, buy and then we’ll just goddamn localise everywhere until all the government have left to be in charge of is a small square round Parliament where they can screw it up as much as they like and we’ll film it and people can watch it on Channel 5 and laugh and point. Sorry, got carried away. So firstly, you can find Rhian’s website at rhianejones.com, and her twitter is @RhianEJones. She writes for Red Pepper magazine which you find and subscribe to on a pay what you want basis at redpepper.org.uk and they are on all the social medias too. And of-course the book, is called Paint Your Town Red, by Rhian and Matthew Brown and will be available from May 11^th from Repeater Books, and you can currently pre-order it from a number of good book sites including Hive.co.uk which I’ve linked to in the pod blurb.

Any suggestions you might have for what voices shall grace this podcast ie be willing to talk to this idiot about clever things, then please do let me know. And you can do that let knowing @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page at partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or you could reveal it amongst lots of other texts that you sent to mates promising them favours but then blame a former friend for publishing them and then let them threaten to reveal more recommendations you have for the show that you don’t want me to hear about because it wouldn’t make sense to have them like Bernie Clifton or the man who does the Go Compere adverts and I’ll assume all your ideas are rubbish. As always, it’s probably best to email isn’t it?

END

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. Thank you for listening and don’t forget if you manage to collect every single episode there is no prize except sheer wisdom. Not of politics, no, just the hindsight and understanding that you could have used that 261 hours to do something really brilliant like unlearn a language or put all the things you’ve ever owned into one big pile then crawl under it and hide. Something like that. If you did do liking any of the mouth emittings that I do, then please do recommend this podcast who others who may also enjoy, review the show on a podcast hub space of your choosing and if you are bestowed with good fortune then hurl a pound or twelve to the ko-fi, patreon or Acast supporter sites and keep me well stocked in crisps, the renewable fuel that this show runs on. Don’t ask how you renew a crisps. Never ask.

Thanks a hole punch to Acast, my brother the Last Skeptik, Kat Day and Katie Coxall.

This will be back next week when its discovered Boris Johnson did fund the refurbishment of his flat out of his own pockets, it just so happened it was at a party where he swapped trousers with some really rich oligarchs for a laugh.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by Dyson Money Vacuums, able to suck all the money out of public institutions within minutes and leave no trace.