Fine-ish – No.10 breaking the law but not, Warburton’s thick white slices and Ed Maltby on the Stuart Strike

Released on Tuesday, April 5th, 2022.

Fine-ish – No.10 breaking the law but not, Warburton’s thick white slices and Ed Maltby on the Stuart Strike

It’s hard to know when you’ve broken the law isn’t it? I mean even if the police send you a fine for breaking the law, how do you know you’ve actually broken the law if you don’t understand what the law is and you’re an idiot? An idiot who leads a cabinet of people who make laws. Fines, conversion therapy u-turning and Rishi Sunak being just like Will Smith. Plus an interview with Ed Maltby on the Stuart Strike.

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THIS EPISODE IS TAGGED WITH: • Boris Johnson, Brexit, Comedy, Conservatives, Labour, parliament, parpolbro, Partly Political Broadcast, Patreon, podcast, political, politics, Priti Patel, Rishi Sunak, satire, stand-up, The Last Skeptik, Theresa May, Tiernan Douieb, virus

Transcript

Ep268

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that is doing what it can to the best of its ability. I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as No.10 is handed its first batch of fines for the lockdown parties but ministers insist now is not the time for a self-indulgent leadership contest, I’d argue that there is never a time for one of those ever but unfortunately that’s the only type we get because no one would join the Conservative Party if they were a restrained and thoughtful person. Or even just a person, rather than for example a grotesque manifestation of all the qualities you warn children about. So, fuck it, may as well have a go now, right?

Finally! Yes finally, some actual justice people. Those that broke the law at No.10 during lockdown by attending a party have been fined! OMG! It’s true, no one is above the law and thank god for a justice system the world must envy! The politice have given 20 people a life changing, behaviour condemning fine of £50. BLAOW! YEAH! 50 whole pounds! I can’t imagine how much that will effect them on their very, very large salaries. Maybe it’ll mean they can’t buy an extra egg for their extortionately priced restaurant at a very posh hotel. Oh no wait, sorry that’ll probably be on expenses won’t it? Yep. Right well £50, maybe that’ll mean they’ll struggle to pay for parking at work one day. Oh no wait, its free for them isn’t it? It’s just NHS workers that have to pay for parking because those idiots just saved lives during the pandemic meaning those people continue to take up space and therefore you should have to pay for your own space to make up for it. Whereas everyone at No.10 was gleefully letting people keel over with the ‘vids and therefore freeing up spaces, you see? It does all make sense when you look at it through a very full glass of Westminster Co-Op spirits. Maybe though by fining them £50 the No.10 staff won’t be able to use those larger notes to do lines with at their next party and will have to use £20s instead which will just mean they’ll have to do smaller amounts over a longer time which might reduce just how immediately arrogant they are by a fraction and possibly even let self-awareness leak in long enough for them to push through some vaguely less horrific policies.

I’m sure the 400 people that were hit with £10,000 fines for lockdown breaching parties in 2020 & 2021 are feeling a smug sense of resolution right now that those in government do indeed have the same rules as us. It’s just that the key difference is that they weren’t aware they were at parties while attending them so seemed unfair to charge Downing Street staff the same. 19 of the 20 that have had fines are just No.10 staff, we assume but actually have no idea as all their identities are being kept anonymous because again it would be cruel to have their lives endangered by people knowing they’re so stupid they aren’t even aware of where they are at any time. Imagine how often they’d get taken advantage of? Sold holidays only to travel nowhere at all but have the travel agent insist they were on holiday and the No.10 staff would be clueless to suggest otherwise. The other 1 though has been revealed to be Helen MacNamara, a woman who at best can be described as pale in every aspect, and former government ethics chief. Let’s be fair, if the ethics chief was at a party, the other 19 probably assumed it was well alright. Although I can’t imagine the cabinet’s ethics chief had much else to do except stand around and drink because you’d probably give up trying to explain what ethics are after the first 400 times. MacNamara has apologise for her error in judgement. She now works for the Premier League so I suppose it’s easier to keep in line when you have VAR. The Prime Minister and foam mattress that fell out of the back of a van and straight into quagmire Boris Johnson is not one of the people that has been fined yet and is still insisting that the parties did not break the law, even though these fines mean that that, yes, they did. Does this mean Johnson is weirdly in line with the public for once and doesn’t trust the Met Police? And if evidence doesn’t mean anything, does that mean when the Prime Minister said the horrific and depressing footage from Bucha and Irpin in Ukraine of many civilian deaths by Russian soldiers was ‘evidence of war crimes’, does that in his mind also mean Russian Forces haven’t actually broken the law though? Or can Johnson not tell until the process has been entirely concluded?

The law is hard sometimes full of all sorts of bits of legislation such as, if you’ve been fined for breaking it that means you broke it. How are you meant to wrap your head around that? Luckily the very man in charge of Justice, the Justice Secretary Dominic Raab with his face that looks like if you put a cotton bud up his nose you could rewire his brain took time out from once again trying to scrap human rights to admit on TV interviews that yes the law was broken, but Boris Johnson didn’t lie when he said it wasn’t, he just told the truth to the best of his ability. Well, he’s a pathological liar so he has no ability to tell the truth. Is it now an excuse to just be massively shit at things? If I career a plane into a school, can I have the defence that it wasn’t that I flew with neglect, it’s that I flew a plane to the best of my ability. Which is none, as I’ve never flown a plane before. No.10 don’t agree with the Justice Secretary’s admittance that the parties broke the law but say they respect the Met’s view which I think means that now, what the law is must be open to interpretation for everyone and as long as you respect that it is there you can ignore it at all. Yes officer, I respect that you think all this stuff in my arms is nicked from that shop I just took it from, but I would argue that I only tried to pay for it with the best of my abilities and therefore it was perfectly legal in the eyes of the law and don’t forget justice is blind so chances are it didn’t see anything anyway. Maybe it doesn’t matter anyway? Minister for Brexit opportunities Jacob Rees Mogg who can only be seen in the corner of your peripheral vision, said partygate wasn’t the most important thing going on in the world right now. Which he’s right, it isn’t, but also he couldn’t give a shit about all the important things either so I’m not sure it really helps his argument. You can’t say don’t worry about this, there’s I dunno climate change if when asked about climate change you go ‘yeah it’s not happening though.’ Rees-Mogg says Johnson was given the wrong information over whether parties were held at Downing Street which makes you wonder what it was considering he was at 6 of them. ‘Excuse me Prime Minister but despite everything you see and hear, this isn’t a party’. Its not exactly a good look if the main form of defence for you is ‘well he’s an idiot’ but then maybe that’s better than ‘he’s actually unable to tell the truth.’ You only need ‘and he likes stealing’ and you’ve got a character bio for a goblin D&D character. Former Health Secretary and the sort of man that looks out of place anywhere outside of a miniature railway Matt Hancock also backed the Prime Minister because it’d be impossible to think Johnson had done anything wrong when was the one who got horny because he’d let 150,000 die. Really, in comparison, having several illegal parties as people were dying from Covid and unable to see loved ones, is super grim but then think about Matt Hancock having sex and suddenly it’s not as bad. Maybe that’s why he’s being wheeled out so that all of us can remember there are indeed worse things out there, like Rees-Mogg said and its not war or the destruction of the planet but the very idea that someone might find Matt Hancock attractive and thus proof that a god does not exist.

To show the country how seriously the government are taking the Met Police’s respectful decision that they have broken the law because they have, Boris Johnson treated all the Conservatives to a big fucking party in the Park Plaza Hotel walking past people having a candle lit vigil for those lost during the pandemic and largely ignoring them. So it’s nice to know they have some consistency somewhere. Johnson hosted the bash for 200 Conservative Party MPs for dinner and drinks in an expensive version of a petrol station flowers attempt to shore up his leadership. I don’t know whose in charge of the Conservative Party optics as I just don’t understand what that job is. You know, that while people struggle to pay for food, there’s someone whose entire job is to go ‘no stand with your legs apart like you’re asking for someone to kick you in the genitals and then when they do no one will ask why you stood like that but will just ask Labour politicians about the genitals you’ve been kicked in’. Whoever is currently the Tory image consultant, I assume they get most of their ideas from cartoon villains in the 80s and 90s. I know it’s a regular and perhaps lazy comparison I make often but its hard to think of much else when you see Johnson and crew wining and dining on the same day they’ve been fined for illegal parties. It distinctly reminds me of baddies who’ve stole a giant magic diamond then insisting they hadn’t while hosting a ‘look at my big fucking magic diamond’ party. It was reported that at the party Johnson addressed the crowd by saying ‘Good evening ladies and gentlemen, or as Keir Starmer would put it, people who are assigned female or male at birth.’ The Prime Minister insisted it wasn’t a transphobic comment but one that poked fun at the leader of the opposition and appalled paintbrush Keir Starmer who keeps being asked really weird questions about genitals by interviewers and doesn’t know what the answer is because he’s never seen any before and is disgusted they exist. Much like his views on people in general. It’s one thing to say a joke is aimed at someone but when the ammo you’re using is a minority group it doesn’t really back your argument. If I lobbed an endangered toad at your head and said oh well it was about hitting you in the head, I’m not sure I’ve done the endangered toad any favours while doing so. Three hours after the party, Conservative MP for Bridgend and distraught suet pudding Jaime Wallis came out as trans online, revealing that he – and that is his current preferred pronouns – was a victim of rape and now suffers from PTSD. All facts that are commendable he felt he could reveal but also none of them stop him being an absolutely horrendous human being who walked away from a car crash, actively wants immigrants to have worse lives and worse a union jack face mask in parliament to name but a few of many. We must always remember that true equality is when you can say someone’s a piece of shit regardless and irrespective of how they identify. As in, I couldn’t give a shit if Jaime Wallis is trans, regardless of that he’s still a massive twat. The next day Johnson tweeted support of Wallis saying that the Conservative Party he leads will always give him and everyone else the love and support he needs to be themselves. Which is odd, as they won’t give people the support to eat or heat their homes but maybe you only really find the true you if you can literally look inside yourself. In further proof of this support for people to be themselves, the Conservatives u-turned on their long promised ban on conversion therapy, but then after 4 hours and enough uproar that it was a shitty thing to do, they u-turned on it again saying they would ban it, except for trans people. Because Johnson will give people the love and support they need to be themselves but is hoping that by allowing harmful and traumatising methods to be legal, then maybe he and his party members won’t have to pretend to know what love and support is and are less likely to get caught out.

If you’re trans you can be converted apparently but if you’re an alleged coke addled sex pest like Conservative MP David Warburton, the spitting image of someone who’d try to get you involved in a pyramid scheme, then harassing people is just innate you know, just a mid-life crisis so what are you to do? Just last year Warburton boasted in many a newspaper that he had lost six stone in just six months and now as pictures have been sent to the press of him sitting next to lines of cocaine you do start to see how he might’ve managed that. The MPs wife is defending him, probably because she’s been his communications officer and personal assistant since 2015 and it’d be shitty if they both lost their jobs at the same time. Warburton has had the party whip withdrawn and been admitted to a psychiatric hospital due to shock since the allegations were revealed, but I’m sure if he is convicted of three cases of sexual harassment and drugs misuse that he can just say he respects the decision but does not feel he broke the law and it’ll all be fine. Warburton took an undeclared loan of £150k from a Russian businessman, and one of his relatives then got given a job at that businessman’s firm. Still though, I suppose David couldn’t hire them all to work for him could he? He’s gotta keep some of that money for baggies.

The cap on energy bills changed on Friday meaning most people in Britain are having huge bill increases, though it should be noted that if you don’t pay and the gas company threaten to cut you off you can just say you respect their decision but you haven’t done anything wrong and hope for the best. The government are investigating all the best ways to tackle this and then when they find them, are ignoring them in favour of terrible ideas instead. The Treasury has said that onshore wind and solar energy are poor value for money despite them being the cheapest forms of zero carbon, home grown energy and the quickest to role out. But I suppose the issue of having something that doesn’t cost much and is effective, is it really shows up absolutely everything else the government spend money on. To be on brand they need to find a resource that costs 6x what anyone would think is reasonable and somehow causes more pollution than it tackles while barely generating any electricity. Luckily that’s what fracking is for, which does all the above while causing earthquakes so it’s sort of a 4 for 1 deal. The Lancashire fracking sites have been given a stay of execution and the head of Centrica, which owns British Gas has said fracking is worth exploring, which is funny because it has been and everything that was discovered was ‘oh this isn’t great and makes massive fucking holes in the ground and earthquakes’. It also won’t actually bring down bills as it’ll just mine gas that we then have to sell abroad and then they sell it back to us and it’ll cost a ton. So the only reason Conservative MPs have a hard on for it is because if they do it enough the ground will swallow them up before they have to admit they’ve broken the law at a party. The National Grid is selling off 60% of its stakes in the Britain’s gas pipeline to the Australian bank Macquarie who are famous for fucking up the UK’s Green Investment Bank and Thames Water, so I’m sure this will be the chance they need to finally get things right. What harm is there in letting a company so known for mismanagement and racking up debt to have majority stakes in a gas pipeline during an energy crisis? Perhaps this is what we need to persuade the government to invest in renewables, that Macquarie will fuck up the pipeline so much there will be no gas and there’ll be no option but to power the UK using alternative methods otherwise that’s it for lights and music at any future parties. What may get in the way of this lovely idea though is that Home Secretary and smirking death threat Priti Patel has just accepted a £100,000 donation from an oil trader. Not sure what interest he’d have in the Home Office’s work but then I guess their cruel lack of safe passage is contributing to filling the seabed with organic matter that’ll become fossil fuels in a few million years.

While all in No.10 are trying to avoid accepting responsibility for breaking the law, the Chancellor and gormless radiator key Rishi Sunak has decided to take on critics of his complete lack of help with the cost of living crisis by flying to his home in California for Easter. I suppose it is one way to avoid paying higher costs by just emigrating to a warmer climate and I do hope he’s only there to scout out the options of giving everyone in the UK a short trip the West Coast of America in order to cut costs. Though somehow I doubt it. Before he left, Sunak was getting increasingly tetchy at people questioning his shit Spring Statement and his wife’s investments with a bank that connections to Moscow. Sunak said that people should not come at his wife, which to be fair, sounds quite grim and is the sort of thing other Tory MPs are currently being investigated for. Sunak compared himself to Will Smith in defending his wife against criticism and it’s just the same because as we know Will Smith is an elected MP who has to declare his partners interests especially if they have investments in a regime currently illegally invading a country. And just like Will Smith, Rishi Sunak makes absolutely terrible decisions that make him look awful in front of everyone. ‘At least I didn’t slap anybody’ said the Chancellor, no because you’d be worried that the warmth from the slap would give them too much comfort right now and you’d have to get them to pay you back in instalments.

During a hearing with the Treasury Select Committee during which he was more twitchy Sunak, the Chancellor said he decided to help working people rather than pay £25bn to upgrade benefits in line with inflation as the government should not have to compensate everybody. Which is true I guess, it’s a just a shame as new figures show, he mainly decided to compensate the fraudsters who claimed it now seems £37bn in Covid loans and companies like McDonalds who benefitted from £872m in Covid support but avoided paying £295m in UK tax. Then again I guess it’s not fraudulent if they say they respect the decision but don’t agree and I suppose the government have a lot of comradery with McDonalds because it’s also run by a fucking clown. What Sunak has done though is ask the Royal Mint to make their first ever NFT because it seems there wasn’t enough money wasted on fraud during the past few years. It will be issued in the summer so that instead of paying for food you can use your hard earned money to own an image you could just right click and save from the internet for free instead. Still, nothing represents the Conservatives quite like something that is massively expensive but when it comes down to it, is completely lacking in any actual substance. I give it months before Sunak has his own cryptocurrency called Rishi Coin that he won’t loan to you, but he will give you a lump sum of as long as you pay it back over 5 years and no you have to have it you don’t have a choice.

Lucky for Sunak he flew to California before travel chaos caused by staff shortages due to Covid. There is something ironic about a virus that travels so easily stopping anyone else from doing so. The airlines did demand restrictions were ended in order to help them and they were and it has helped as now they all get a nice break from having to work while stuck at home with Covid. 1 in 13 people in England currently have Covid and 4.9m overall in the UK, but from last week free tests were scrapped. The Prime Minister said free testing was simply unsustainable at the cost of £2bn a month, which is good as it doesn’t cost that. Nine new Covid symptoms have been added to the official list but none of them include not being able to recognise what the law is so there’s still no excuse for that shit.

In other news, Russian troops are committing horrific atrocities across Ukraine with very upsetting images of civilian bodies in the streets in the city of Bucha near Kyiv. The Prime Minister has announced that they will not rest until justice is done, well apart from Rishi Sunak who’s already on holiday in California and all of parliament that are now on recess for two weeks. Johnson spoke to Ukrainian President and intense Tony Slattery Volodymyr Zelenskyy over the weekend and promised him a new package of very, very tangible support. So I bet Zelenskyy will be delighted when he receives the new Royal Mint NFT. Over in Hungary, Viktor Orban who’s melting into his own hateful body, was elected President for the fourth time in elections that observers said were not free or fair. Orban who is a pal of Russian President and naked molerat Vladimir Putin and increasingly fascist included Zelenskyy in his list of opponents in this election which is unfair because even if the Ukrainian President was eligible to run, he’s pretty busy with an invasion right now. Putin contacted Orban to congratulate him, which is odd as you’d think he’d be more than super keen to invade Hungary in order to denazify them.

Back in the UK, Labour leader Keir Starmer launched his local election campaign with the slogan ‘on your side’ which very much makes him sound like a thorn. Starmer did a series of interviews over the weekend where he kept insisting people don’t want a revolution, they just want to pay their energy bills. No Keir. No one wants to pay them, that’s the problem and a revolution might mean I dunno, maybe it could open the way to renationalising energy and creating renewable energy but that seems a real stretch for the opposition who’s campaign slogan should’ve just been ‘Labour: Mustn’t grumble eh?’

We are likely to see egg shortages or the costs of eggs rise as production costs for egg farmers rapidly increase. I give it no time at all before the government insists its part of a great nationwide egg hunt just in time for Easter, as they persuade people to get their own eggs and tinned all day breakfast Michael Gove goes out and about shaking chickens bums for photo ops.

And lastly, some Conservative MPs are endorsing the idea of a nationwide Margaret Thatcher day which I should be oppose to, but I think there could be something fun about being allowed to run around snatching milk from children.

ADMIN

Holla at thee. How are you ParPolBrods? I am nearly, almost lurgy free and it is exciting to not be, as I was last week, walking around like some sort of 80s Ghostbuster slime toy exhibit. I still never tested positive for the Covids, but I’m still certain I had it and you can’t tell me otherwise no matter how clever you are. Ok, maybe if you’re really clever. Ta for listening to this mouth jazz again, hmm, no, I won’t use that term again, you are right. Thanks for being here though and I’ve decided that after this one I’m taking a short Easter break so no pods for the next two. And yes I know some of your kids are on Easter break now, and parliament is on the recess already but these pods look back at the week before right because you know, I can’t see the future despite my efforts but it usually just hurts my eyes. So it’ll be the next two and it’s not even so much because I need to spend Easter weekend smashing chocolate into my face – won’t someone report on how endangered chocolate chickens are that we just keep eating their eggs? – and it’s also not even so much that I have to get my stand-up back into gear for some shows, and our kids politics show which has three shows this month in Bury St Edmunds on the 14^th, then Watford Palace Theatre on the 23^rd and Watermans Arts Centre on the 24^th. Its actually mainly to do with the fact that all the politics news right is ‘OH GOD THINGS AROUND THE WORLD ARE SO DEPRESSING’ or ‘THINGS HERE ARE SO DEPRESSING’ or ‘the government are trying to find ways to lie about lying again’ and to be honest, I’m starting to run out of different jokes about what is essentially the same thing again and again. And you know, it’d be nice to switch my brain off from it for a week or so, to refuel and find new ways to describe Boris Johnson. It’s a weird situation where I really, really want him to go because he’s an absolute car crash of morality, but also because there’s only so many ways to describe a sack of porridge. So I hope that intro didn’t sound too stale and like my brain was on its last synapse sparks but hopefully when this is back it’ll be all fresh sounding again like I’ve had an oil change. Which I won’t have done as that’s too expensive right now.

So on this week’s show, I gots a chat with Ed Maltby all about the Stuart Strike. What’s that? Well why don’t you do a listen and learn and possibly, maybe, even get inspired by tales of people actually standing up to all this bullshit. Unlike me, who is mostly sitting and very much letting the bullshit fly past and hoping if I wish hard enough, it might stop for at least long enough for me to clean the windows. You see? What even was that? God I need a break.

INTERVIEW WITH ED

It is arguable that Snoop Dogg’s Just Eat track is easily in his top ten best tunes, so say I, a very long-time fan of the D.O Double G, but I’m not sure if he knew that when he declared at the top of his advert for the food delivery app ‘Let’s do this Doggystyle’ that it would mean so many of the delivery drivers would be getting fucked over. Delivery drivers were one of the heroes of the pandemic, bringing food when we couldn’t go outside except for that hour of exercise we really needed after having delivery drivers bring us food. So, it seems odd that the main takeaway Stuart – the company that supplies many of the Just Eat drivers especially in smaller towns and villages around the UK – have had from the past two years is that their CEO should get a massive pay rise while there should be a new pay structure that cuts workers fees by 25%. According to the Prime Minister, the way out of poverty is work, which must be why he doesn’t bother doing any as he’s already loaded. Yet it definitely isn’t the way out of poverty if the work pays much less than it should. As has become a theme of recent times, those working lose money for working even harder, meaning that they now will struggle to, well, just eat, while the fat cat at the top gets loads for not delivering. 4.4m people in England and Wales work in the gig economy, as it’s so known. Though of course different to a music gig because that’s a band and the gig economy really should be. With it that brings job insecurity but also work flexibility, or it would if you weren’t entirely reliant on the company you do work for that like to pretend it isn’t a serious relationship and they’re still seeing other people, yet you still have to turn up when they text or there’ll be trouble. The job they do has got harder because the bosses decided it should. The mistake these companies often make though, as we have seen with P&O Ferries in recent weeks, is that they assume those affected will just get on with it and work twice as hard for a lot less cash. And thankfully the Stuart drivers have definitely not done that, as further proof they are exceptional and picking things up and racing with them. Drivers up and down the country have been taking strike action in what is now the longest continuous gig economy strike in UK history and has already claimed wins to get waiting times paid for and a resolution to an insurance issue that was causing unfair suspensions. Can anybody say, the power of unionising? Ok it doesn’t rhyme but you know.

This week I spoke to Edward Maltby, a volunteer in Sheffield that is helping with the Stuart strike action to ask him all about why this has happened, how you organise workers that work individually and are classed as self-employed but aren’t and how you can support strike action. As the past few weeks, nay months nay years, but particularly the past few weeks have shown, work currently doesn’t pay. At least not enough to cover the rising costs of everything and the Stuart delivery drivers are one group of a number of people who have been hit by pay cuts as things are getting brutal. So it was particularly uplifting to talk to Ed who is helping people fight against the absolute bullshit. I hope you find this inspiring and if you do, as you will hear, you absolutely should help out. Here is Ed:

INTERVIEW WITH ED

MIDDLE BIT – THINGS THE TORIES DID BEFORE BREAKING UP FOR EASTER

INTERVIEW WITH ED END

Thanks to Ed for that brilliant chat. I’m afraid I was pretty ignorant about the Stuart Strike before talking to him so since the chat I’ve donated to the strike fundraiser which you can do at tinyurl.com/StuartStrike. And also, as he says, spread the word, let delivery drivers where you are know that the action is taking place and help build the movement until Stuart realise they should be paying a living wage. Do email your MP, email the UK rep for Stuart and companies like Greggs that continue to use them. The Independent Workers Union of Great Britain can be found at iwgb.org.uk and they have a special link for couriers and delivery drivers at iwgb.org.uk/join/courier. You can also find their main twitter at @IWGBunion. Thanks also this week to James Ross for putting me in touch with Ed. James runs the amazing Quantum Leopard comedy club which is one of the very best in London, nay, the world and has just won a Chortle award to prove it.

Next two weeks are a pod break and I’ve got some good guests lined up for when it returns but I ALWAYS NEED GUESTS! Always and forever I just want you to know, I need guests. Eternally. So, who when what why? More chats like that with Ed would be amazing. More local action interviews, let me know. And do that by hitting me up but you know, not in a Will Smith way at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com.

END

Right, that’s that till after the Easters and if while you’re once again indulging in reducing the population of the already endangered chocolate chickens, you do a snort laugh at this show or gain some value from its content, then please do tell other to give it a whizz, donate to the ko-fi or patreon and maybe even give it a dandy review at Apple Podcasts or similar holes for podding.

Gracias to Acast, The Last Skeptik and Kat Day.

This will be back in two weeks when Rishi Sunak will announce his new plan to help everyone with the cost of living which involves having to buy 30 packs of Rishi Swishi a vitamin filled holistic smoothie and then by selling each pack off with a 10p profit you’ll make a fortune. When it’s realised that everyone in the UK will have to buy packs so won’t want to buy any off anyone, Sunak moves to California and claims everyone keeps attacking him and his wife.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by Warburton’s Crusty Lines. Breakfast like the Columbians do it but paid for by Russian businessman. You’ll lose weight in no time!