Rules Are For You-ls – Party swapping, party bopping, blackmail popping and Rose Whiffen at Transparency International UK

Released on Tuesday, January 25th, 2022.

Rules Are For You-ls – Party swapping, party bopping, blackmail popping and Rose Whiffen at Transparency International UK

It seems absolutely no one in the Conservative Party has any clue what party they’re in, whether that’s political or birthday. Another week of stories about the state of disarray at No.10 Downing Street, and Rishi Sunak’s charitable fraud fund. Plus a chat with Rose Whiffen (@rose_whiffen) at Transparency International UK (@TransparencyUK) about corruption.

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THIS EPISODE IS TAGGED WITH: • Boris Johnson, Comedy, Conservatives, Labour, NHS, parliament, parpolbro, Partly Political Broadcast, Patreon, podcast, political, politics, PPE, Rishi Sunak, Sajid Javid, satire, stand-up, The Last Skeptik, Tiernan Douieb, UK Lockdown

Transcript

Ep258

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that isn’t scared of the whips and can in fact eat a six pack of them in one go without much effort. I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as Conservative MPs accuse the party of blackmail, racism and rule breaking, I mean yeah. Did you not google them before you joined? Jesus, I do more research buying things on eBay.

16^th century French renaissance writer and man who according to his portraits had a penchant for wearing a roadkill feline on his head, François Rabelais famously said that with time, all things are revealed. Which isn’t entirely true as there are things that will never ever be explained no matter how many years pass, like why people enjoy watching James Corden, who invented worms or why I continue to use Twitter even though I’d have more fun pushing kumquats into my eyes. But for some things, like the current British government, old Reblais is spot on, perhaps that’s due to the insight he was given on them by wearing a dead cat on his head for so long. Last week we discovered that for most of the last two years the entirety of No.10 has been constantly off their tits at parties or for some ministers, constantly on other people’s tits. There has barely been a sober moment despite all the sobering moments the public endured. Suddenly so many things make sense that didn’t before. Of course, deals were handed to mates who owned pubs and reckoned ‘yeah I can make PPE. It can’t be that hard, can it?’ Of course, you couldn’t see your Nan but you could help out by eating at Nando’s. And of course, there’s no money for ventilation in schools because it all must be spent on a big boat you can get drunk on. These are, I’m afraid to say, almost certainly decisions I would have made on day 4 of drinking an entire fridge worth of booze and freeport smuggled top quality gak.

This week though, things have started to make even more sense. Why has it seemed like the country has been run by a bunch of people who Quantum Leaped into bodies they didn’t know and had to muddle their way through a series of instructions they’d never seen before? It turns out, it’s because absolutely no one in the Conservative Party seems to have had any idea about who the Conservative Party are or what they do and has had a terrible shock since finding out. MP for Wealden Nusrat Ghani, who always looks like she’s just been told off for talking in class, has said that she was sacked as a minister because a government whip told her, her ‘Muslimness was making her colleagues feel uncomfortable.’ What? Not the Conservative Party with their impeccable record on dealing with Islamophobia, like when the Prime Minister and what if Dougal from the Magic Roundabout had gout Boris Johnson said Muslim women in burqas look like letterboxes. A statement that was not only racist but always made me wonder why the letterboxes he used had eyes inside them. Creepy. But if you remember that article in which Johnson made those comments and Islamophobic incidents rose by 375% in the week after, was so swiftly and comprehensively dealt with a year and a half later, when Johnson said he was sorry if anyone felt offended by it but his writing in itself, wasn’t offensive. BLAM! Take that racism. Move over to another seat Rosa Parks for a new anti-racism hero is in town and will stamp out any hate speech by making sure the people who feel threatened by it aren’t listened to and therefore it stops being anything anyone should worry about. Et voila, no more racism. Then there was the mayoral campaign by stupid face drawn on a concave ruler Zac Goldsmith, who claimed his rival and champion of the cartoon quiff Sadiq Khan was friends with terrorists, but then apologised by saying he denied harbouring anti-Muslim sentiments. BLAM again! There’s that racism taken down by saying he just didn’t do any. And what about when Liza Tarbuck tribute act Baroness Sayeeda Warsi – yes I swear they are the same person, just look at pictures. Its uncanny – gave examples of Islamophobic comments she’d had directed at her and said it was endemic in the Conservative Party, and the Muslim Council of Britain called for an external inquiry submitting evidence of 300 cases cataloguing alleged Islamophobia to the Equality and Human Rights Commission and then they said, wait for it, they said – just after investigating anti-Semitism in the Labour Party – that, yeah wait for this, they wouldn’t be investigating any of it as it wasn’t proportionate. BLAM! Which is exactly why this revelation by Nusrat Ghani, which is no doubt grim to hear about and makes me keep thinking the word Muslimness sounds like Scottish Loch, just raises the question of what party did Ghani think she had joined? Did she arrive from another Britain in the multiverse where the Prime Minister Joris Bohnson had not targeted Eid telling people not to celebrate with family in May 2020 while just days before he was no doubt wearing nothing but a Union Flag while doing tequila shots off a portrait of Thatcher? The Prime Minister said he’s taking Ghani’s allegations extremely seriously, and launching an investigation into them, because that’s gone so well for other issues with the government so far. He may as well have said he’ll try to dream a solution to it and we’ll all hold our breath till he wakes up one morning and mumbles something about an equality dragon and then forgets.

It’s hard to say, but questions must also be asked about what party MP for Hazel Grove William Wragg think he’s part of. Wragg is a so-called senior Tory backbencher despite only being 34 but then you look at his face like the ghost of a Victorian school boy who died while taking a shit and go, oh yeah that makes sense. He is one of a number of MPs who have accused No.10 of trying to blackmail MPs and bribing them with funding if they voted in the right way, which for everyone else in the country is usually the wrong way. Unless they meant far right way, which makes a lot more sense. Ministers were allegedly told that if they didn’t vote against the actual leader of the opposition and footballer Marcus Rashford’s call to extend free school meals, they wouldn’t get funding for a new school in their area. A weird play off because that’d mean they could have the school, but it’d be full of hungry kids, or the kids could eat in theory if there was a school to give them school meals but there wouldn’t be. It’s very much a Conservative version of a would you rather type question where you lose either way and neither option is as fun as having eyebrows that crawl round your face or leaving a trail of paprika wherever you go. This must’ve been such a horrifying surprise for Wragg and the other MPs to realise that over a year after it happened that they’d been blackmailed, which is just unheard of in a party where the Home Secretary bullies staff and people get peerages for handing out free holidays.

The MP for Bury South Christian Wakeford, who I have no doubt is a fan of Ready Player One and gets angry in defence of it, crossed the floor last week, leaving the Conservative Party to instead join Labour. A smart move as his views of targeting migrants, enabling tax avoidance, and stopping measures to prevent climate change whilst echoed by the Tories, were unlikely to be acted on if everyone was constantly drunk. Whereas the opposition provides an alternative vision for the country by also supporting those policies but being more likely to carry them out as they’re lightweights so won’t party as much. It’s one of those events that makes everyone lose as it’s not a great look for the Conservative Party if their own MPs have no faith in them anymore but it’s also not a great look for Labour that if you vote for them, you get the Conservative Party. You wonder why we have different parties at all when we could just have an amalgamated blob party where you just throw your vote into a bin and it doesn’t matter what it says on it, you still get someone whose main aim is to privatize the NHS and both tell everyone Britain is the greatest country but also insist that no one should come and see it. It poses many questions such as why former Labour leader and shrew Jeremy Corbyn is not allowed to be a Labour MP even though he’s still a party member because his comments on the ECHR report when they bothered to do one on Labour were part of the problem even when he apologised, but a Conservative MP can be a Labour MP even though he’s not a member and had only recently referred to the opposition party as ‘a bunch of cunts’. I don’t understand it as I don’t make the rules but is the lesson here that much like the rest of us, British politicians are just making it up as they go along, in the hope that no one has access to the internet or any sort of memory. It’s just that to qualify as politicians they have to be worse at creating viable reasons or policies as the average person. Or child. Or pet. Christian Wakeford in 2020 co-sponsored a bill in parliament that would mandate by-elections for any MPs that defect, so it’s lucky he can’t even remember things from two weeks ago or that’d be embarrassing. At least now he’ll be able to do Islamophobia in his new party if he fancies it, as they actively reinstate members who do that, like Trevor Philips. Take that Tories, there’s a proper opposition here. One thing Wakeford does remember though is that back when he was a Tory MP, so many days ago, he was one of the MPs threatened about school funding by then Education Secretary and what happens if you leave someone in a bath of Tippex for days on end Gavin Williamson. Imagine being threatened by a man who once used the term ‘hard power’, keeps a pet tarantula called Cronus and looks like at any moment he might be blown over by a strong breeze. But then, maybe I’ve misjudged him, and Williamson is being pipped for a knighthood because his failures are so hilarious that he would reduce enemies to tears while they piss themselves laughing at him and his very presence could crumble thousands.

The Prime Minister says that he hasn’t seen any evidence of blackmailing in his own party, but it’s not certain if he means at the party as in Conservatives or one of the many he’s been attending. Also, he is someone who hasn’t got a clue if he’s at a party or not while actually there so I’m not sure we should be relying on him to be an eyewitness. I’m pretty sure you could burgle his No.10 flat without him having the slightest clue anything was happening if you stuck Cocomelon on the TV and handed him a capri-sun mixed with gin.

Another story of Johnson having a birthday party thrown for him at No.10 and then in his flat during the first lockdown in June 2020, so I suppose he’ll say he isn’t aware of what birthday parties are and he can prove that by having not attended any of his kids’. The big question is whether the Met Police can refuse to investigate this as it’s not a retrospective crime when birthday parties are all about the present. And of course it was a surprise party, which as we know just launch themselves at you without any prior warning and then you just have to take part.

Again, it’s hard to know how just how to view the current Prime Minister as the eternal question of is he a manipulative liar or just an unbelievably stupid man baby? His defence against yet more allegations of No.10 parties was that nobody had warned him the drinks event was against the rules, the same rules he made and enforced on the rest of the country. Could it be that he needs someone at every step of the way to explain exactly what everything means, or he’d be in constant trouble and if so, why are we so unlucky that during his childhood there must’ve always a kid around to tell him he shouldn’t step on the rail tracks or don’t eat that silica gel. Tory MPs continue to call for Johnson to resign, including man composed of fluff from the inside of your pockets and former Brexit Secretary David Davis who in true form both insisted the Prime Minister should go and also won’t be calling for his resignation. David Davis is forever a character from the Mad Hatter’s party and must spend his days upsetting people by telling them he should attend their meeting in person while insisting he won’t be leaving his house.

Conservative MP for Wycombe Steve Baker, who will always insist he can do one more press up than you even though he gets ill trying to open a packet of crisps, said that it is checkmate for Boris Johnson, and he would know as he’s known for rounding up rebel Tories in yet another example of what can only be described as party-wide cluelessness. I wouldn’t follow Steve Baker into a shop, let alone in a coup. He’s the sort of man who’d tell everyone he knew the way out of the woods and month later you’d be gnawing on bark and deciding it was now just best to live your life as a squirrel. What does ‘checkmate’ mean for a Conservative who I imagine play chess by only using the white pieces, handing out as many knights as they like, ignoring the Queen and treating the other side as pawns. Or did Baker mean cheque mate as now is the time Johnson will be handed even more cash to push policies through with even fewer questions about it? Sue Gray, whose name could only be more appropriate for her role if it was a double-barrelled surname with area, could publish her report this week if she can keep up with revelations, but Education Minister and wow Eggbert’s aged badly Nadhim Zawahi says now that only the findings will be released and none of the details. The issue with allowing the government to decide what is and isn’t seen in the report, aside from the corruption and sheer lack of transparency is that chances are Johnson will read it, not remember a single thing that took place and think it’s a story about someone else who attended a party he admitted to going to but also didn’t attend. The Met Police stationed at No.10 have apparently giving some extremely damning evidence to Sue Gray, but it seems not damning enough for them to investigate or interfere with the parties themselves. You almost wonder if everyone has been hypnotised and controlled by David Davis. Former Chief Advisor to the Prime Minister and poor characature of Phil Collins Dominic Cummings has refused to speak to Sue Gray saying the Prime Minister will just lie about it and that more stories will come out after her report. Which then begs the question, will we have to wait for the report for Johnson to remember those or once it arrives will all his memories return in one big go, which could be quite devastating especially when he realises how many children he’s completely forgotten.

The Chancellor and failed origami creation Rishi Sunak has started to distance himself from the National Insurance increase that was in his own budget, by calling it the Prime Minister’s tax. A smart move as there’s every chance Boris Johnson won’t remember if it’s his or not. It is worth asking what Rishi Sunak actually does as chancellor if he doesn’t make tax policy but maybe he’s not aware exactly what his job is and besides there’s no one around to warn him so how would he know? I should say David Davis is also now opposed to the tax rises but that likely means he’ll continue to vote for them.

And besides, Sunak has decided interpreted his job role differently, as someone who rehabilitates criminals by-proxy, by writing off £4.3 billion in fraudulent Covid claims. Still these people only took money they weren’t entitled to so it’s nice that Sunak has given them a second chance to not do it again in another pandemic, as it’s that sort of faith in people’s ability to reflect on their wrongs that can rebuild a wholesome society. Imagine their joy at finding out they don’t have to pay it back or go to prison and maybe they’ll repay that kindness by doing charity work of their own, like say, using that money to donate to the Conservative Party. And anyway, as it’s not as if they did a truly heinous crime like slightly overclaim child benefit, or protest for their rights in a way that annoys someone. Jim Broadbent character Lord Agnew has resigned from being the government’s anti-fraud minister criticising, as he said, their lamentable track record in tackling fraudulent covid claims and said he couldn’t defend their record. Well, that’s his fault for being aware of what’s going on. If he was a true government minister he’d have spent his days wondering who and where he is, before occasionally transferring money to people in his contacts list. Luckily the government can now get someone on board who’ll do the job properly, my money is on either Sue Gray, someone Matt Hancock went to school with, or anyone who’s most recently donated to the Conservative Party.

Culture Secretary and woman who is so dense she makes Osmium feel underconfident Nadine Dorries is insisting the BBC licence fee freeze will stop extra pressure on the wallets of hard-working households. Yes, great, as nothing will help people get through their lack of food or heating like knowing they won’t have any TV to watch either. Making sure the £159 a year fee doesn’t increase will taxes do and universal credit is cut, is like forcing someone to carry boulders up a hill, then adding to it with several more-large rocks and removing their packed lunch from their bag to help lighten their load. The Department of Culture, Media and Sport have also closed the BFI Young Audiences Fund, responsible for making so much of the best children’s television in Britain, so at least now your kids won’t be distracted from not having any food either. It’s funny because I was certain Peppa Pig World had provoked thinking about UK creativity.

Meanwhile Transport Secretary and man with all the value of a fart in a plastic bag Grant Shapps, has unveiled his big progressive policy of removing unwanted train announcements asking people to put their unwanted newspapers in the bins. Yes, finally, just what we’ve all been crying out for and now there’s no doubt the people will be rejoice. It is funny though that Shapps says announcements like that aren’t necessary and yet, if Boris Johnson was on that train and no one told him to throw his unwanted newspapers into the bin, how would he know to do it? The Prime Minister’s next train journey could now involve him being covered in newspapers, a veritable walking fire hazard. Yes actually, putting it like that does make removing those announcements more appealing. While Shapps, is removing train announcements no one gave a shit about, he’s not doing anything at all about the huge lorry queues along the A20 in Kent as post Brexit EU checks are causing long delays. Then again, I suppose the government are just stopping extra pressure on our wallets by making sure we have absolutely nothing to buy anymore.

None of this is joined up thinking, but that’s because it’s barely thinking in the first place and is more a regurgitation of the first words they can think of and the sheer hope no one will ask them any questions about it. Then again, what else are they meant to do if they aren’t sure who they are, what they’re doing, what party they’re in and none of those selfish bastards are going to warn them that it’s not ok beforehand?

OTHER NEWS

In other news, Russia are once again making moves on Ukraine like that guy in your DMs that just won’t get the hint. The Russian government say they aren’t planning to invade, but they’ve also amassed 100,000 troops along the border so why else are they there? Is it the world’s biggest stag do? Are we just unaware that there are that many troops along all of Russia’s border lines and they’re going to hold hands for an aerial photo? US President and Papier Mache sculpted over a deflating balloon Joe Biden is expecting an attack, but what may stop them is Boris Johnson warning Russia that it would be disastrous. Hard to know if that is a warning or a message of kinship that they may do something as damaging as he has. Johnson also said he might put forward some economic sanctions. They must be terrified that they won’t be able to deliver things that lorries won’t be able to collect anyway. What’s he going to do? Only pay them £1m for a media room this time? The Foreign Office accused Russian President who always looks like someone you’d confront in a 90s first person shooter game Vladimir Putin of planning to installing a pro-Moscow figure to lead Ukraine’s government. But the former Ukrainian MP that the Foreign Office suggested, was being used by Russia, Yevhen Murayev, responded by saying it was a stupid idea and he’s not even allowed in Russia or he’d be arrested. He then said he had no idea why the Foreign Secretary and the only person who’d weigh more if she lost her head Liz Truss, why she’d say that and said ‘I understand she’s new’. Hey now Yevhen, I think the least you can do is be impressed that she knows where Ukraine is and that she hasn’t asked you for a selfie yet.

Last Monday night the House of Lords defeated the piece of legislation that would give the government the power to ban any protest, calling it Draconian and anti-Democratic. Great thanks guys, now all you’ve done is sell it really well to the government who’ll clearly put it back in when it returns to the Commons. You should’ve said it was woke, and they’d have scrapped it in an instant.

All plan B covid restrictions are to end in England on Wednesday, and restrictions are being eased in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Scottish First Minister and human version of the flag of Monaco, Nicola Sturgeon, said that they’re hopefully seeing Scotland on the downhill slope. Well, I hope it doesn’t slide all the way and crash into England or they’ll likely all catch Covid off us and have to close the nightclubs again.

And lastly, case study for the Dunning Kruger effect and former worst Health Secretary Matt Hancock was snapped in his latest attempt to claw back any possibility of running as Tory leader, swimming in the Serpentine Lake in freezing weather. The series of pictures are the sort of thing you’d show someone with a sex addiction to immediately cure them of ever feeling horny again. I think Hancock only went outdoor swimming in January because his misunderstood two years of hearing about high figures for ICU.

ADMIN

Icy – you? Geddit? No, you’re right. That is a stretch but I’m still proud of it. Oh god, it’s so grey here I’m almost waiting for it to release a report. It’s like the sky has been filled with images of John Major. How are you ParPolBrods? I hope you have made it through approximately one eighth of January all ok. I’m sure it goes on for at least another 24 weeks. Me? Oh, thanks for asking. I am fine thanking you. I did some sort of writing work last week that I’ve never done before for people that didn’t even want to explain what it was that I was doing, and every day I’d just do the writing I thought I should do and hand it in and after three days they went ‘yeah that’s great’. It was weirdly invigorating, like a real-life version a puzzle game and it’s given me weird confidence that maybe I don’t need to read instructions anymore and can probably just have a go and muddle through it. I mean it works for the government, right? If no one tells me what I’m doing is wrong, then it’s not my fault right? Cue next week when there’s no podcast as I’ve managed to saw through my own leg while electrocuting myself trying to rewire a kettle and cut a table at the same time. This is a joke of course, I rent a flat so when there’s something wrong with it we let the estate agents know and then tell them again a year later and then again a year later and then we have to move out. It’s a great system and works really well.

I’ve had to pull out of the Leicester Comedy Festival in a few weeks so sorry if you were one of the incredibly few people that had already bought tickets to that. I hadn’t been plugging it because I had a feeling, I might not be able to do it, so well done me for pretending no one was coming on purpose and not because they were never going to. I will try and do a live Partly Political Broadcast again at some point, maybe. I mean, is that something you want? Last year’s was fun but that was online and I’m certain actually seeing my face made it less enjoyable for a chunk of you. I haven’t done any live shows, stand-up or otherwise, since early December now which is partly because I’ve had other work on like confusing writing puzzle things, but also because I think my brain has slightly melted and the thought of trekking out at night in this weather to shout half written gags at people I don’t know while catching Omicron doesn’t fill me with joy. But I hope to get back on that horse soon and then of course, leave the horse outside as you can’t take them into most comedy venues.

No other admin this week other than on this week’s show there is an interview with no middle interrupting bit from me. It’s only a short chat, so I’m giving it a go. If you feel it needs me popping up in the middle to explain something badly, you can of course pause it and just listen to this bit again where I explain this bit badly. I hope that works for you.

So just to say cheers loads to Matt Atkinson for joining the Patreon in order to gain the hearty monthly rewards of nothing but the satisfaction you have done a nice thing and hey look, if you need to tell others about it so they too give you immediate gratification about your kindness, then I’m cool with that. Big thanks also to Conal, Clare, Spacey, James and Sunetra for fuelling my coffee needs at the ko-fi page. If you wish to, well, just give me money I suppose, in return for all the work I occasionally put into this show, you can do that at ko-fi.com/parpolbro or by joining the patreon.com/parpolbro. And if you donate enough, I might give you a peerage. I think that’s how it works. In fact I might change my patreon reward systems to match that of the government. PPE contract, peerage and knighthood maybe. I won’t actually give you those things though. I could let you do some PE, peer over a wall at something and find a night cap but I’m not sure it’s the same. And of course if you can’t donate, which is totes fair for this thang is free, then please do give the podcast a nice 5 star review at Apple Podcasts or other such sites and generally just tell people it exists and they should attach their ears to it.

On this week’s show, as you’ll find out in a minute, I chat to Rose Whiffen at Transparency International about corruption. Yes, that is timely. I know. There is of course no corruption on this here podcast. Well unless you download it wrongly obvs.

Interview with Rose

It’s unjust that when files get corrupted, they just won’t open and your computer freezes. Yet sadly when a democratic system gets corrupted, Parliament still opens and carries on with little care that nothing is working how it should. The British government is currently as transparent as a black hole, the difference between the two being that if you entered No.10 and got sucked in, it’d be your sense of morality that was stretched beyond any recognition. Free holidays, funding for anyone Johnson slept with even though no fee could compensate for what they had to go through, gold wallpaper, lunchtime development deals, towns funds for colleagues, media rooms built by Russian companies for millions that then aren’t used, PPE deals for anyone Matt Hancock has in his phone book, billions for a broken phone app for anyone in Matt Hancock’s favourite list which incidentally didn’t include his ex-wife, knighthoods, peerages, government appointments and the list goes on and on even longer than No.10’s spreadsheet of who to send party invites to. Or the Prime Minister’s list of offspring. Or stuff Nadine Dorries gets brain freeze from, trying to understand it which includes in no particular order: windows, grapefruits, the word ‘fuzz’ and catfish. I mean, it’s not a great look when your minister in charge of counter corruption quits because he can’t justify your record. It’d be like a fire safety officer leaving the post because they felt it wasn’t right their hair kept catching on fire in the office. Of course, some of that is merely alleged corruption and wrongdoing or it has been investigated internally by the people involved in it and they’ve decided it was fine. As they say, the fish rots from the head down or is it just that no one’s cleaned out the tank in ages because an awful lot of it in the UK stinks. Laundered money is rife in the property market even in the flats with no washing machines, arf, while dirty money is run through zombie entities. By that I mean anonymously owned businesses, not Chris Martin. But on last year’s Corruption Perception Index the UK ranked joint 11^th least corrupt and it is by no means endemic in this country. But does that mean the government wants it to be, will take away all restrictions that stop it from being so and demand we just have to learn to with it?

This week I spoke to Rose Whiffen, a research officer at the UK Transparency International UK, the UK’s leading independent anti-corruption organisation. I asked Rose exactly which of the many recent political stories count as corruption and what that term means, as well as what on earth you can do to stop it. We spoke days before the 2021 Corruption Perception Index was due to be published by the global Transparency International team, so we didn’t know where the UK ranked for last year, but it’ll be out by the time you hear this so you can pause, check and then make an appropriate face. And I should also say, there were only so many things I could ask without landing this show in the sort of legal hot water that would make for a very uncomfortable bath, even though I’ve probably already ruined that by the intro to this interview. Oh, and towards the end, some selfish bastards starting doing building work near where Rose was. It’s not too bad though so just pretend it’s the sound of Transparancy International shaking down corruption. Here is Rose:

INTERVIEW WITH ROSE

Thanks so much to Rose and also to Rachel at Transparency International for helping arrange it. You can find the UK branch of Transparency International at transparency.co.uk and the international website at transparency.org. They are obvs on all the social medias too and the 2021 Corruption Perception Index will be out on Tuesday this week, so by the time you hear this, so you can have fun/cry finding out where the UK is on the list, or if you’re an international listener potentially feel smug or worse. I mean, it’ll depend where you are and I have no clue what it’ll say but I’d hedge my bets that the Principality of Sealand does ok. If you’d like to follow Rose, you can find her on Twitter @rose_whiffen where she posts lots of stuff about her work.

Who next? I’m still not getting many replies from people so your tip offs are much needed. If possible, it’d be great to talk to people with even the vaguest bit of optimism but as I’m not sure they exist, anyone who I could talk to who can explain or discuss political issues I haven’t covered on this pod or need an update on, would be great. Drop me a line, happy with any sort of line, squiggly, straight, diagonal or other, as long as it comes with the recommendation for a guest too, and you can send that to partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com.

END

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast. Cheers for using your King Lears to give it an earwig and if you didn’t enjoy any of my Bowler Hat chat then why not spread the chuffin dicky bird, oh god why would I do this to myself? It always seems a good idea when I start and then two sentences in, you sort of think, just talk properly you idiot. Sigh. Just tell people you like to tune in and subscribe, give the show a nice review on one of them podcast sites and if you can afford to, sling me some Bangers ‘n’ mash for making this by joining the patreon.com/parpolbro or buying me an Everton toffee at ko-fi.com/parpolbro. I’m off to regret my Porridge Knife choices.

Arfur J Shanks to Acast, my brother The Last Skeptik and Kat Day.

This will be back next week when all the ministers in the cabinet resign after realising what it is they do and declaring that it’s not very nice, before then taking jobs in other ministerial positions assuming those ones are different as no one explained otherwise.

BYEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by the Book of Conservative Chess Moves featuring the Civil Servant Sacrifice where you blame everything on your pawns, the Absolutely No Endgame Plan where you play without caring about the consequences, The Queen’s Apology where you apologise to the other player for something you say you haven’t done, the Brexit Gambit where you insist you’ve won even when you haven’t, and of course the Johnson Defense which is where you claim you didn’t even know you were playing chess. The Book of Conservative Chess Moves, showing you how to whitewash any game if you pay enough money to the right people.