Eat Less To Stop Putin – December of Discontent, Pandemic Diaries and Phil Lindsey at 4 Day Week campaign

Released on Tuesday, December 6th, 2022.

Eat Less To Stop Putin – December of Discontent, Pandemic Diaries and Phil Lindsey at 4 Day Week campaign

Thank goodness we now know a way we can stop Putin’s terrible oppression of Ukraine. That’s right everyone, we just have to eschew working rights, and never earn enough for eating or heating again. That’ll stop him! You take that Russia, we’ll be getting hypothermia over here to totally show you what’s what! Nadhim Zahawi’s weird ideas, everybody’s (kung fu) striking and a chat with Phil Lindsey at the 4 Day Week Campaign about how we should all be working less.

4 DAY WEEK CAMPAIGN: https://www.4dayweek.co.uk/

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THIS EPISODE IS TAGGED WITH: • 4 Day Week Campaign, Brexit, Comedy, Conservatives, corruption, December of Discontent, Hospitals, Humour, Keir Starmer, Labour, Matt Hancock, Nadhim Zahawi, NHS, Nigel Farage, parliament, parpolbro, Partly Political Broadcast, Patreon, podcast, political, politics, PPE, Rishi Sunak, satire, stand-up, strikes, The Last Skeptik, Tiernan Douieb

Transcript

Ep295

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that always asks, ‘but where are you really from?’ whenever someone says they found it via Spotify because I’ve seen the stats and I know that’s not true. I’m Tiernan Douieb and as Minister without portfolio as he’d probably lose it, and Chris simpsons artist drawing Nadhim Zahawi says it’s unfair for strikes to disrupt people’s lives at Christmas, I agree. Those workers could be far more considerate and just do it by making eating unaffordable and heating their horses with taxpayers’ money.

It’s that most wonderful time of the year. That exciting time where Christmas lights bring dread as everyone wonders how much they’ll increase the energy bill by and children delight in handing their parents present wish lists featuring Lurpak butter and could maybe this be year that Father Christmas helps MPs understand how the online safety bill makes the internet less safe? So sweet. And of course, it’s the time when everyone, all over the world is absolutely knackered and just wants to hibernate, their brains only able to focus on that week inbetween everything where you forget what time is and its absolutely allowed to sleep solidly for seven days straight without anyone worrying about you. During this festive season, it’s important that we remember that the government and indeed all MPs are people too. Well mostly. The jury is still out on Mark Francois who many suspect is at least part rock troll. But the rest of them, even if they don’t act like it, are people. And that’s why when they make appearances on television shows or outside Downing Street you know that their brains too have checked out, possibly way before December, or even the last December, or the one before that. Nadhim Zahawi, for example, has been operating on Christmas season levels of brain activity for, well, likely most of his life but you know, particularly in winter, which is clearly why he gets all his tax calculations wrong and ends up sending them offshore by accident. And so, in this season for giving, we should give him the understanding that when he talks out allowed there’s probably very few lights on behind his eyes as all his brain computes is the possibility of cuddling up with his warm, warm horses in his taxpayer heated stables. Zahawi has now been in so many government positions for only 5 to 10 minutes at a time, that as he’s thrown into a primetime television interview he likely has very little idea of which department he’s meant to be representing, is he there for the government or that oil company that paid him even more money while he was an MP, probably because being an endlessly slimy man, he was the perfect mascot for them. Why are women talking to him, he might think, forgetting that he’s on national television and not at one of the Presidents Club events he used to frequent. If only he could snuggle right up in the toasty, toasty hay that we all pay to warm, next to his favourite foals, then maybe Nadhim Zahawi could get enough rest to allow him to figure it all out and actually make sense when he wakes up around Spring.

Now is the wrong time for nurses and other workers to go on strike, the man whose appearance is of a small face slowly sliding off an orange said on one of the many BBC Politics programs that is there mainly to let Conservatives see how much bullshit they can say in one go before the interviewer bats an eyelid. Because it will just help Vladimir Putin divide the West. Yes, that’s right. The Russian President and what it might look like if you entirely shaved a disgruntled shrew, is only insisting on continuing to wage a violent war on Ukraine because of the possibility the UK might increase workers’ rights. If we stop paying nurses entirely in applause and instead in hard cash they can use for food and warmth, what message are we sending then? Hey Putin, you may as well send out the nukes, the Critical Care team at the Royal Wolverhampton didn’t have to use the foodbank once this week. One of them even said they were warm enough to feel the tips all their fingers when managed to spend two hours at home so I reckon you may as well kick off against Poland next too. What is it about strikes that Zahawi thinks would be such an aid to the Russian leaders plans? Is it that right now, Putin sees our government as progressively getting worse at all things human rights and so in his mind if that continues, we could be a little Russia and therefore all his friends will start donating to the Conservative party again which will of course really benefit the country by giving us another £1.8m media room that no one will use. These strikes, say Zahawi, are unfair at Christmas because unions are disrupting people’s lives and he should know as his government have been considerate enough to do that all year round for over a decade. It is not fair to the taxpayers that taxpayers should go on strike because taxpayers aren’t being paid enough money to well, pay tax. How dare rail workers stop people travelling anywhere during a cost of living crisis where they can’t afford to go anywhere and various rail lines have reduced service anyway? Awful that all these postal workers aren’t delivering all those presents no one can afford to buy or the nurses aren’t going to be helping all those people that won’t have appointments for another two years anyway due to massive NHS underfunding and understaffing. When will these people who are the taxpayers think about the goddamn taxpayers? If anyone can make a stand about this, its Zahawi who HMRC have been investigating for a while now on account of him likely not paying his tax. He has however, used taxpayers money to heat his stables and if there’s no trains he may have to use one of those horses and that might make it cold which is just awful.

This month is coined by the press as the December of Discontent, referring to the Winter of Discontent in 1978 when there were widespread strikes due to demands for better pay because they are original like that. That discontent cold time was in the midst of an energy supply crisis and high inflation – oh isn’t it funny how times change? – which lead to then Prime Minister and owl Jim Callaghan and the Labour party losing the election a few months later as it turns out these sorts of things do not a popular government make. Now of course, it is uncannily similar times except for there potentially not being an election for ages and the government of Prime Minister and man who looks like someone made a face out of numbers Rishi Sunak being able to fill TV interviews with their most idiot officials warning against it in-case it turns out going on strike is the exact formula that will cause a hellmouth to open in Swansea or the giant under the tower of London to wake up. The list of workers on strike or about to start is expanding at a rate that would make Omicron jealous. Rail workers, postal workers, nurses, teachers, driving instructors, baggage handlers, security staff, ambulance staff, university staff, firefighters, London bus drivers and more which makes it all quite hard for critics to claim its some sort of woke uprising, when its far more that things are so shit in this country the rhyme tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor sounds like you’re just announcing whose fed up with it all this week. Actually, that’s not accurate as soldiers are still being pipped as the ones to help out with all these strikes as nothing sounds more comforting than living somewhere an army driver may take your driving test and mark you down points for not using your car as a road blockage while they hide behind it for 36 hours as part of a stakeout. Still, I do enjoy the thought of military personal being sent to investigate a mysterious package that it turns out another officer delivered while on postman duty earlier that day. These strikes are popular with nearly all polls showing the majority of the public support those taking action and blame the government that it’s happening. Ever in tune with what the people want and need, Sunak has put together a Winter of Discontent task force to tackle what they say is unnecessary action. And it is right? I mean why won’t these people just work twice as hard and starve to death at the same time? What is wrong with them? We know Sunak is taking this very seriously though as he’s put salmon nigiri but as a person Oliver Dowden in charge, so I’m sure he’ll tackle people’s genuine needs by saying phrases like painful woke psychodrama a lot, before wetting himself and having to leave. The National Union of Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers said they would stop their pre-Christmas strikes if an agreement was made, but the Rail Delivery Group gave them the option of a small pay rise if they agree to loads of things they’ve specified they didn’t want and so they said no. There has of course been outrage at the RMT for this, when it should be at the RDG who treat negotiations over conditions like they’re a child swapping pogs in the playground. Ok, you give me all your shiny special ones, and in return I’ll give you 4% of one of my pogs now, and 4% in a year’s time if you let me kick you in the nads three times and insult your mum. Luckily Labour leader and an artist’s impression of the silence you get when on hold and they haven’t bothered playing any music Keir Starmer has been really upholding Labour’s ethos as the workers party. When asked if the RMT were right to reject the latest offer, he replied ‘I’m not going to start saying one side is right, one side is wrong.’ Yes, perfect move, that’ll really help indicate to all voters that you are on their side, if their side is being impaled on a fence wishing they’d made a single meaningful decision in their life instead of hoping if they close their eyes the wind might carry them in the right direction.

Labour just don’t have to do anything yet though, as being as active as beached whale has already won them the first by-election under Sunak’s premiership. Labour got an increased majority while the Conservatives vote share dropped from 38.3 percent to just 22.4, meaning Sue Pollard impersonator Sam Dixon is the areas new MP, after the last one had to resign following sexual misconduct allegations. Ah well, and just when they might be entering government where that sort of thing is allowed. Deputy Labour Leader and Charlie Brown’s crush Angela Rayner said Sunak had failed his first electoral test, which is true, but voter turnout was only 41.2% down from the previous 71.7% in the 2019 general election. So really the actual winner was voter apathy who is likely will do very well next time around too if Labour keep insisting their main policy is to just exist and hope everyone will be impressed by that. Actually, the Labour party have been pushing on two big policies this week. One is their plan to charge VAT on private school fees and remove their charitable status, something that is long overdue on account of private schools really not being charities. I mean, can you even imagine celebrities queuing up to make videos saying ‘if you just donate £20,000 a year, Eton can give all of its students their own hot tubs on top of promises they’ll get to be Prime Minister when they grow up. Please help.’ Actually, I can imagine some celebrities doing that. I see you Cumberbatch, I see you. It isn’t enough, obviously. What Labour should be saying is that they’d scrap all private schools, make education properly funded and available to everyone and the private school buildings could be used as places people learn wizarding and nothing else. But it was enough to get Rishi Sunak to take the bait like the little fish in the little pond he is, and accuse Labour of starting a class war, as though there hasn’t been one waging in the UK for about 600 years now already. It’s like the proprietor of a taxidermy shop getting angry that someone in there tried to swat a fly as its animal cruelty. The other of Labour’s big policies is they have promised the biggest ever transfer of powers from Westminster to the British people. No, they aren’t going to stop blocking members from having a say on Labour policies. Instead, they, are going to abolish the house of lords and replace it with an elected second chamber so that voters can not bother turning up to the polling stations for all those people too. Oh I see, now they want to make a whole load of lords unemployed do they? Why do they hate workers so much? I of course joke, but I am slightly worried that Andrew Lloyd Webber won’t have anywhere to hide when its sunny outside which could cause him to disintegrate.

We do need big changes in the UK though because the country has changed. It’s no longer a place someone like Royal Aide Lady Hussey can aggressively ask someone where they are really from again and again without getting the sack. Though I do hope someone will still get the chance to do that to her until she gives in and admits she’s from a Roald Dahl book as the villain. Having also never heard of Lady Hussey until last week where she accosted the head of the Sistah Space charity, I am very disappointed with a name like that she isn’t a 90’s rapper who used to do tunes with Foxy Brown and Lil Kim. Still, now she’s got even more time on her hands maybe she could give it a go. According to the results of the census, Britain is becoming ever more multi-cultural and less religious, which is great though of course it has prompted racists to be spout on about the great replacement theory coming true. The big problem for them is that if it means they are the ones getting replaced it just sounds like an even better idea. Never the one to miss an opportunity to be a bigot, decomposing zombie porg Nigel Farage managed to re-congeal himself for long enough to attempt a political comeback by claiming that London, Birmingham and Manchester are now minority white cities which isn’t what the data says at all. Unless he only considers white British people as white in which case, he’s less racist than we thought being married to a German woman all those years. He and various other Conservative commentators got very angry that the country is identifying as less Christian than it did 10 years ago, even though you’d have thought they’d be happy that means there aren’t as many people who believe in helping a refugee having somewhere to stay at Christmas.

Luckily for frog face, but unluckily for human rights, that is only partly a joke as it was revealed that the government’s Afghan citizens resettlement scheme to provide a safe home for those who aided the UK military and government in Afghanistan, has so far only actually worked for 4 people in the last 11 months. Yes, they’ve almost resettled more Prime Ministers in that time. The Home Office has said that the situation is complex and presents us with significant challenges, but which they mean if they open up a safe route then you know, everyone will want one for seeking asylum properly and they can’t have that. Again, public opinion is more favourable of immigration and helping those seek asylum than it was 10 years ago, but that hasn’t stopped the Tories planning tough new asylum laws meaning a cap of 20,000 on how many it takes in from Ukraine, Syria and Afghanistan, which supposedly means they need to get a move on and admit 19,996 asap. Meanwhile the Online Safety Bill returns to parliament this week where MPs will debate how to protect children from internet harms best so they can spend hours online looking at pictures of all the food they don’t get to eat. The bill as it is, isn’t bothering to regulate social media companies to take down harmful but instead just threatens to ban encryption and breach a whole load of privacy rights. Still, what could make our children safer than hackers knowing their date of birth and address right? I suppose British people being more suspectable to hackers and not allowing anyone into the country is all part of the plan to thwart Putin, right? I mean, Russian agents won’t bother to find all your details if it’s too easy and if the UK actually embraces immigration and manages to grow its economy at all, then Putin may just personally go round punching everyone in Moldova and then we’ll be in World War 3. Only a few weeks till Christmas and so I suppose to embrace the true spirit of the season the government should give at least the country something they’ve asked for though, even if it just means telling Nadhim Zahawi not to get out of bed until some point in 2024.

In other news, what happens when a snowgie grows up Ian Blackford has stepped down as the SNP leader in Westminster. He has denied its because colleagues were plotting against him, or due to his support of outie with glasses Patrick Grady who was accused of sexual harassment. Instead he said it was time for fresh leadership, as he probably felt a bit shown up being there for 5 years as the party opposite changed their leader every few months. The two contenders to take his place are serious baked bean Stephen Flynn, and Rebecca Front character Alison Thewliss. Flynn says as a working-class politician who grew up with a disability, he will be a strong voice in Westminster, which is needed to be heard over all the stupid noises MPs make. Alison Thewliss says she will be a clear contrast from the two men shouting at each other across the dispatch voice, because she’ll be a woman shouting from a more diagonal angle on account of where she’ll sit.

Former health secretary and what if you crossed Ralph Wiggum with a Mekon Matt Hancock has returned from his time on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here to continue to ignore his constituents by now promoting his book that absolutely no one asked for. In extracts that have been published in the Daily Mail meaning there’s even more reasons not to buy it, he has tried to defend the horrific covid death toll he was in part responsible for in his newly published diaries, by saying he was told 820,000 could die. So that means only letting 150,000 die was basically heroic right? No. Its more like saying ‘I’ve been told speeding down residential roads all the time will kill people so I’ve decided to only do 120mph on Thursdays and Sundays.’ He also put the blame on care workers for the deaths from covid in care homes, as opposed to his shitty policies. On the plus side, if care workers really do have that much power over their jobs then maybe they give themselves a pay raise and refuse to ever look after any of Matt Hancock’s family ever.

What if Matthew Perry had been addicted to formaldehyde and former MP for North Shropshire Owen Paterson has taken a case to the European Court despite previously calling for Britain to break free of it entirely. I mean, once they hear his pathetic attempts to defend breaching parliamentary standards by working as a lobbiest at the same time as being an MP, they may well give up and close down anyway in order to spend more time adequately face palming about it. The House of Commons has been given a low hygiene rating by Westminster Council after mouse droppings were found in 19 different places. There are also concerns that as mice are often carriers of parasites, that that’s how most of the Conservatives ended up there as well.

And lastly, in response to months of protests, the Iranian government deny they are disbanding the morality police but that the law women must wear a hijab is under review. That’ll backfire for them though as if they give it even one star they’ll be deemed as taking part in witchcraft which is forbidden in Islam.

ADMIN

Have you checked out yet for Christmas? I don’t mean stopped working, I just mean you know, mentally checked out? It hit December 1^st last week and my brain definitely decided it was the holidays. I mean its not and for some awful reason I still have to do the school run but I don’t really think we’ll improve as a country until we only work during daylight which means over winter its about 4 hours a day. Or more. I haven’t counted. I can see what you’re thinking though that yes, in summer that might mean working more, but I think then we bring in daylight saving time where we don’t work all the hours as we save some for winter. Then in winter when we realise we can’t save time as we aren’t timelords that we all give up and hibernate again. Who’s voting for me in 2024? That’s right, everyone. Slightly bitty intro there, sorry, but the news is bitty. It almost feels like we’ll have a normal Christmas news time where, you know, there isn’t any. I’ve jinxed it now haven’t I? There’ll be an election in that weird bit between Christmas and New Years. The merrineum. At least then there’d be something to look forward to in 2023. Or at least not look backward to so much.

This is the last proper podcast of the year. I did have an interview lined up for next week’s but that person has eluded me and so I’ll do a mini just jokes one, as no one needs podcasts now do they? I’ve checked the listening stats and its that time of the year when you all don’t tune in as much. So next week and then I’ll take a break till mid-Jan when there’s things to complain about again. And of course, it’ll nearly be episode 300 for which I have nothing exciting planned. You’re welcome. Until then, thanks for you know all the things particularly everyone that got billed for the Patreon this week which you too can of course join for no rewards at patreon.com/parpolbro or just fling cash at me via the ko-fi.com/parpolbro. But really what I want to ask this week is well, where are you all lurking online now? Posting about this podcast on Twitter really isn’t working now all the algos seem to mean any link popped on a tweet makes it disappear and I’m wondering where else to put it? Facebook is terrible unless you pay Mark Zuckerberg so you can dress up as a giant carrot and shout about it in the metaverse. LinkedIn doesn’t really promote things unless you tell everyone that you’re giving it 117% and you learned how to really be productive by not being dead or something. And Instagram is all about pictures and this is audio. No, I’m not going on TikTok. I’m too old and I don’t want to have to brush my hair everyday. Do I go back to handing out flyers in pubs? Should I ask you all to scrawl publicity for this show under tunnels and subways? Any thoughts, that are of course, completely inexpensive, please let me know.

The last interview of the year is with Phil Lindsay at 4-day week talking about a campaign for, well not quite just working in daylight hours but you know, close. Sort of. Baby steps. It’s all about the baby steps.

INTERVIEW WITH PHIL

The big problem with the government’s notion that they want to get everyone into work, is that everyone I meet doesn’t actually like working. Why are people so eager for the weekend if work is so damn great? Isn’t the utopian ideal that no one works ever again as we’ve got robots that do it all for us while we engage in wholesome activities like trolling people online and swearing at pigeons? Politicians have, for years, told us about these mysterious ‘hardworking families’ that exist somewhere in their fevered imaginations, where presumably every member is so devoid of happiness that even the children and elderly grandparents are opting to slog a 9-5 rather than attempt to actually enjoy life. Life has changed so much since the idea of work began that it does seem silly we’re still conforming to this idea that we have do the same hours on the same days of the week, even though it’s been proven time and time again that flexible working and fewer hours boosts quality of life and productivity. But then I guess what sort of place would Britain be if we were happy and efficient? What next? Before you know it, we’re all speaking German, right? And you know, several other languages as we’d have time to learn them instead of replying to emails with ‘you’ve cc’d the whole office about your need to take sick leave due to genital warts again Tony’. And anyway, if jobs aren’t paying well enough to eat or heat your homes when you’re working all hours of the week, we should probably all be questioning if it’s worth it at all. If our country’s representatives set an example then they only work a handful of weeks a year, very rarely on a Friday and the last, last Prime Minister was on holiday so much you’d think he actually worked for TripAdvisor. So isn’t it time to follow suit with the way the future is going and all work less too? So say I, a self employed type who works seven days a week, but hey, it’s not work if you do what you love is it? So really I only do one day a week because jeez this podcast is a slog AMIRIGHT?

This week’s interview isn’t so much dwelling on the government being awful like usual, but more a hopeful way things could be. You know, in an alternate universe where things like that sometimes happen. I spoke to Phil Lindsey at the 4 Day A Week Campaign about just why it makes sense for us all to work less. Because the campaign hopes to appeal to everyone everywhere – I mean who wouldn’t like the idea of endless three-day weekends forever more? – we don’t delve into political failures or issues so much as talk about the campaign and how it could be implemented, and indeed has been lots already. I asked Phil why now is the time for fewer working hours, if it’s going to be easy to do now we’re knee deep into a recession and how we persuade politicians who don’t do much work already to perhaps do slightly more with a 4 day week? Ok, not the last one. But as is tradition, I’ve tried to end the year’s interviews on a slightly more positive note, so hope you enjoy. Oh and I say ‘societal changes’ when I meant ‘working changes’ and it’s been bothering me ever since we recorded. So now it can bother you too. Here is Phil.

INTERVIEW WITH PHIL

END OF PHIL INTERVIEW

Thanks to Phil for that chat. Do get onboard with the 4-day week campaign, especially if you part of a workplace that night susceptible to join up. Even more so if you are a sentient workplace that listens to this show somehow. You can find them at 4dayweek.co.uk, and as Phil said, on all the socials too, including TikTik because they are way more relevant than I am.

That’s possibly, maybe, likely the last interview on this show for 2022, so who shall I talk to next year? Lemme know your 2023 political flavours of choice and I’ll get sourcing words from such places. You can do that by dropping me a line on the ParPolBro Twitter or Facebook, or via partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com.

END

That’s your lot for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast. If you’re a fan of this show then why not spread the word like it’s an unhealthy butter alternative to all of those you know who might like it on their audio toast. If you can afford to, please donate to the ko-fi and Patreon, and also give this show a nice sparkly review at Apple Podcasts, Spotify or the other places you can find podcasts in their natural habitat.

Big thanks to Acast, my brother the Last Skeptik and Kat Day.

This will be back next week when Nadhim Zahawi insists that the NHS is aiding Putin by being operational and if we all just died of our injuries then there’s no way he could divide us.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by Shamdemic Diaries by Matt Hancock, available next to the loo roll in all supermarkets this week. Featuring incredible insights to his time as Health Secretary such as ‘it was when I asked my friend who ran my local, do you fancy getting loads of money to supply important things that you have no concept of how to do? And he said yeah be a laugh innit, that I knew it’d be ok.’ And ‘it was seeing those death tolls go up and up, that mini-Matt rose up and up too and I said to Gina, I’m going to have to bonk you right now in the photocopy room as nothing makes me want to create life like so many losing theirs.’ Shamdemic Diaries, costing around 180,000 lives at all good retailers.