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Say no to unskilled workers, say Britain’s top unskilled workers. Yes Home Secretary Priti Patel has been haunting the news all week, introducing immigration policies that wouldn’t have let her parents into Britain, insisting the Prime Minister isn’t racist and pretending MI5 trust her. But what is unskilled work, and how exactly might British firms train British workers to be unskilled enough to do them? And where oh where is Boris? Plus a new section and a new jingle as Tiernan (@tiernandouieb) looks at who’s to blame for the flooding and an interview with Helen Milner (@HelenMilner) at the Good Things Foundation (@goodthingsfdn) on digital inclusion.

Links and sources of info from Helen’s interview:

• • Helen Milner on Twitter – https://twitter.com/helenmilner
• • Good Things Foundation on Twitter – https://twitter.com/goodthingsfdn
• • Good Things Foundation website – https://www.goodthingsfoundation.org/
• • Bridging the Digital Divide campaign at the Good Things Foundation – https://www.goodthingsfoundation.org/bridging-the-digital-divide
• • Learn My Way website – https://www.learnmyway.com/
• • The Web Foundation on Twitter – https://twitter.com/webfoundation
• • The World Wide Web Foundation website – https://webfoundation.org/
• • Contract for the Web website – https://contractfortheweb.org/
• • Future dot now on Twitter – https://twitter.com/futuredotnowuk
• • Future dot now website – https://futuredotnow.uk/

All the usual ParPolBro stuff:

• • Twitter – twitter.com/ParPolBro and twitter.com/TiernanDouieb   
• • Facebook – www.facebook.com/groups/ParPolBro 
• • Website – www.tiernandouieb.co.uk/podcast
• • Donate to the Patreon – www.patreon.com/parpolbro
• • Buy me a coffee – ko-fi.com/parpolbro
• • Review the show on iTunes – itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/partly-political-broadcast/id1075342863?mt=2 
• • Review the show on Stitcher – www.stitcher.com/podcast/partly-political-broadcast
• • The Last Skeptik – www.thelastskeptik.com
• • Kat on Twitter – https://twitter.com/chronicleflask
• • Buy Kat a coffee (go on, spread the love) – https://ko-fi.com/katday

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that brings you news that hits home. Then apologises to the home for hitting it, while rubbing a very sore fist that stupidly punched some bricks and is now regretting it. I’m Tiernan Douieb and this week as Home Secretary and world’s least impressive ice sculpture Priti Patel denies claims that MI5 distrust her, I’d argue that for an agency who specialize in counterintelligence, countering intelligence is very much Patel’s skill set.

Much like every occasion where the Home Secretary is wheeled out to remind us she exists, it’s been a Priti awful week. The UK’s new immigration rules have been announced and once again, the government keeps presenting the idea that we have the best country in the world, while insisting that no one should be allowed to come and see it. Surely if it’s that good we should be welcoming everyone to pop by and have a look so we can boast about it? But no, it seems instead we’re far keener to deter visitors as the place is in a state and its everyone else’s fault for not cleaning it up. The system will be points based as what could be more British than points meaning prizes, and the prize being ultimately disappointing as you gain access to a country that blames you for wanting to be there. To gain points you have to be able to speak English, presumably because large parts of the country can’t thanks to poor schooling and could really do with the help. Another way to gain points is to have a job with an appropriate skill level as apparently jobs like waiting tables aren’t highly skilled, even though my past experience as a waiter meant I needed maths knowledge, a good memory, an ability to not shout fuck off at paying customers even when I wanted to, and a vast array of ways to say ‘sorry your food isn’t here yet’ without revealing that the chef has once again nearly stabbed someone for peeling a prawn wrong. Compare that with, for example, home secretary. A job that you can seemingly get despite being forced to resign from your previous role for breaching national security and where you can’t even tell the difference between terrorism and counter terrorism, despite that confusion potentially leading to giving a lot of money to ISIS to arrest various members of the police force.

How will firms make up the loss of staff in those supposedly unskilled jobs? Well Patel says they’ll have to train up Brits, with 8 million economically inactive people who could do it. Great idea, let’s get all the people who are too sick to work, to fill all those jobs in the agriculture industry. No fruit pickers? Why not launch those with limited movement at trees and hedges and the impact should knock off all the ripe ones. Argh, but who’ll actually scoop them up? How about a big net weighed down at either end by someone in a coma and you can just roll them up when you’re done? 22% of all economically inactive people are unable to work as they are carers for other family members. So why not move them, and those they care for into the hospitality industry and they can be paid minimum wage for helping to feed and bathe their loved one, while charging the person being cared for full cost as if they were at a spa or hotel? 27% are students which is so unhelpful as if they keep studying they’ll learn skills and therefore become unable to do unskilled work. But wait hang on one goddamn minute. Priti Patel has said firms will need to train the economically inactive to do unskilled jobs, but if they’re unskilled, what are they being trained in? Are these people going to turn up and be told to unlearn things? Perhaps spend hours staring at a wall or trying their best to get a test wrong? What if they have amazing plate carrying abilities, will an official trainer be on hand to swot things out of their hand or break their fingers? It’s the also the oddest sort of xenophobia when you tell a nation that only those who can take the best jobs will be able to come over, but don’t worry, this government will make sure the toilet cleaning is left only for British people.

None of this is new, as immigration rules are already very strict in the UK, with the main change being that freedom of movement for EU citizens will be gone. The Home Secretary said that these new measures will ensure that EU and non-EU citizens coming over will be treated equally, which is great because now they can all feel equivalently unwelcome and if that isn’t progression, I don’t know what is. I don’t like these policies at all, and yet after Priti Patel admitted that immigration controls like this wouldn’t have allowed her own parents into the country, I wish that they could’ve been in existence for a couple of very specific weeks in the 60’s. Many businesses and services like the NHS and care work will undoubtably suffer with staffing issues, but on the plus side with high skills and a need to speak English being a must have for entry to the UK, at least Donald Trump won’t be able to do any state visits for a while. This is what people voted for right? To take control of the borders we already had control over and of course for blue passports, which will be introduced from March because nothing says the dawn of spring like the colour of mid-winter. Holding a new blue passport like a hygiene inspector might display some rat droppings it’s found in the kitchen, Priti Patel continued her hollow displays of importance by declaring that the passport will once again be entwined with our national identity, which must obviously be that of a country endlessly suffering from depression.

And that was the theme of the week, having the Home Secretary do various pointless interviews to promote why no one can come to the UK to work even though its fine for her to conduct secret meetings while on holidays. In between questions on the immigration policies, Patel expertly gave perfectly unskilled useless answers to other key questions about government failings, insisting that the Home office was right to deport supposed serious offenders to Jamaica despite several of them only having minor offences for drugs, by stating that there is no such thing as ‘dabbling in drugs’. Which means that either her colleagues the Prime Minister and the only person who if he’d existed at the time, his very being would have disproved Darwin’s theory of evolution Boris Johnson, and congealed cup-a-soup for a face and Chancellor of the Duchy Michael Gove are full blown criminals and should also be deported or they took drugs so badly that it was of the sort of unskilled level British people should be trained in and anyone better at it isn’t allowed in. At the annual ‘make you aware you’re old’ awards, sorry the Brits, rapper Dave added a new verse to his track ‘Black’ in which he called the Prime Minister racist. Patel defended Boris and said that he definitely isn’t a racist and that it’s wrong to make judgements about individuals when you don’t know them. Unless of course they’re from another country, right Priti?

While Priti Patel was convincing everyone she wanted to keep foreign nationals out of the country, it seems she’s also been trying to deport the most senior civil servant in the Home Office to another department. Sources told The Times newspaper, because the greatest trick a paper ever pulled was a paywall to convince you anything behind it was worth reading – told the Times that Patel had been belittling and bulling officials, which would make sense as then they could claim to really relate to all the people they were mistreating. Another source said that MI5 had withheld information from the Home Secretary as they didn’t trust her. Could that be because she thinks counterintelligence is intelligence and actually its counterintelligence that needs to be countered. But hang on, if MI5 were holding back information from the Home Secretary, how would she know? Or is she getting tip offs from all the foreign officials she illegally meets while on holiday? I mean why would MI5 trust her, when Patel lost her job as international development secretary because she kept having unauthorized meetings with Israeli officials when she was meant to be on holiday. If your main job is to keep the country safe, why risk an unwarranted attack on Britain from a bunch of holiday reps or Disney characters as Priti yelled out national security details on a family trip while going round the teacups? MI5 have denied these rumours but then it is their job to deny things isn’t it? The government have also, of course denied all these allegations and the Prime Minister has said that he has full confidence in the Home Secretary, but that might be because he also had his access to state secrets withdrawn as foreign secretary because everyone was certain he’d end up writing them on a toilet wall while definitely not dabbling with cocaine.

I say the PM said he had full confidence in Patel, but that was just what a spokesperson said as at the time of recording, Boris Johnson hasn’t actually been seen in public for 9 days. You might think that this is the first time he’s ever actually done anything good for the country by just hiding and avoiding it, but there has been outrage at his lack of appearance at any of the heavily flooded parts of the UK after weeks of extensive rainfall. Though after seeing his attempts with a mop prior to the election, it’s not certain he’d be of any help. Sure, his sandbag like appearance could mean 5 or 6 actual sandbags could be used elsewhere, but at the same time, his overall density in the water would likely just cause levels to rise more.

Environment Secretary and concertinaed Bradley Walsh George Eustice just keeps saying that the PM is engaged with this issue. Though I’m certain its more that the phone is purposefully off the hook while Johnson is somewhere warm and dry. A No.10 spokesperson said Johnson was staying away from the floods to avoid distracting from a response, which is quite the admittance that when he’s somewhere nothing gets done. It also feels like the sort of nothing excuse you’d give when the real reason is that he’s tried to hump some furniture again, got his penis stuck and is currently recovering. We all know that Johnson loves to don an outfit and some wellies as you couldn’t go a minute on the election campaign without him holding some sausages or driving a digger, but apparently when it’s not election time and the situation is that people are suffering, it’s harder to persuade the PM that a visit would be like a big boy’s trip to Kidzania. Though in some ways his lack of response to devastating downpours is clever as it makes Patel, despite her week, look almost caring. No longer is she pushing for Draconian border controls, instead she’s trying to stop people travelling all the way here just to drown in the floods. How thoughtful.

And lastly over in Labourville, the final round of voting for the opposition leadership has started, with results not due till April because nothing says typical Labour Party quite like providing results long after they were needed. Cartoon train whistle Keir Starmer is still the front runner according to polls, and he has been adamant that party unity is needed, saying that Labour members need to stop taking lumps out of each other, which will instantly put off any surgeons in the membership from voting for him. Supporters of Starmer say they back him as he’d get the media onside as he’s sensible and moderate and wears a suit and looks like he’s made of cardboard and newspapers are made of paper so maybe they’d feel affinity. Today though, the tabloids are criticizing him because he said the most exciting thing he’s done is go to football with his kids, so sorry everyone, try again. Saying that, maybe doing any sort of parenting is seen as radical and alternative when we have a Prime Minister who doesn’t see his. If only Keir Starmer had said ‘not dabbling in cocaine while trying to rut a chaise lounge’, silly man.

And the government insists again that they are well prepared to deal with the coronavirus, which must be why the Prime Minister has stayed indoors for 9 days straight.

ADMIN

Yeaaaahhh ParPolBrods. I hope you are faring well and again, if any of you are in flooded areas or know someone who is, my deepest, most heartfelt sympathies as I have no idea how you’re coping. It’s been yet another weekend indoors at Douieb HQ as we have no want to turn our daughter into a makeshift kite. But while it means she hasn’t blown down the street and she hasn’t been soaked through, it does mean she’s been bouncing off the walls indoors, gradually getting more and more pale and developing night vision. There appears to be little to no indoor things for children under the age of 4 near us, except for one soft play that’s the size of a 50p and has the smallest ball pit area for tiny children, and all the big kids like to use that bit as well. Every time my daughter goes there she returns with some sort of bruise and an obscure virus. But my complaints are very minimal and I’m aware lots of people now have a river in their town centre which is much worse, unless you know, there’s meant to be one there. I don’t want anyone to think I’m being anti-river, I’m just against ones that turn up and forcefully occupy the land. Which doesn’t stray too far from my political views, I guess. Though really, I should be a fan of anything that takes down the banks. I do hope it all gets sorted soon, but then its climate change isn’t it? So it’s more likely that we, as a species, evolve gills and take to riding dolphins to work. Of course, I’m being silly. There won’t be any dolphins left by then.

Bet you’re glad the inane waffle is back aren’t you? Thanks for the nice comments about last week’s show and glad you enjoyed the chat with Jeremy Gilbert. Incidentally, I have been listening to Michael Moore’s Rumble podcast recently and the episode last week with political scientist Rachel Bitecofer about what the Democrats need to do to beat Trump was fascinating but also, contained a lot of very similar points as Jeremy raised. It’s a very worthwhile listen and I’ll pop a link into the pod blurb even though Michael Moore really doesn’t need me doing his publicity. I think he’s doing ok. Speaking of which, my new tactic of getting my young PR specialist to plug reviewing or donating to the show last week didn’t work at all, with a podcast review website kindly emailing me to say ‘you have no new reviews’. Thanks pal. Way to make a guy feel loved. But I’ve been talking to my PR guru about how to really get the message home so hopefully this week it should incentivize you to review, donate or share.

CLIP

Don’t all rush to review or donate to the show at once now. No actually, do.

POP SHIELD

Only other bit of admin for this week’s show is that the kids politics show ‘How Does This Politics Thing Work Then?’ which I go on about most weeks, is at the British Library this Sunday, March the 1^st, which is very exciting. I can’t remember what time it starts but its afternoon at some point. Look it up, bring your kids, then let’s go look at really, really old books and then I’ll sneeze and they’ll break and I’ll never be allowed back. Oh and I was going to do the Edinburgh Fringe this year for the first time in ages but instead something else has come through that will be taking up my summer so I’ll let you know more about that in future weeks.

On this week’s show, I am speaking to Helen Milner at the brilliant Good Things Foundation all about digital inclusion. Plus a new section calls ‘Who’s To Blame?’ all about floods. Yes you’ve nailed it, it’s Indra the Hindu god of rain but also war and I dunno about you but I’m pleased he’s gone for just rain this time as its too slippy to fight out there, yessiree. Oh sorry, I’ve ruined it now haven’t I? Sorry everyone. Sigh.

INTERVIEW WITH HELEN

I can’t really imagine a life without the internet, but if I could, I presume it would be one where I actually went outside, breathed the air, coughed a lot because I live in a city and the air here is terrible and then went back inside a bit all the while not calling someone I’ve never met before something offensive while hiding behind a picture I drew of some anime. I mean, without being online, you wouldn’t hear this podcast and then you’d potentially spend this whole hour reading something enlightening or enjoyable, or maybe even remembering that your children exist. Who can say? In today’s world, being online has become necessary for so many elements of everyday life, from work communications and applying for jobs, to doctor’s appointments, banking, applying for benefits, registering to vote, getting directions, venting your racist viewpoints through an anonymous account that looks like it’s a cute dog, or watching Paris Hilton make a disgusting lasagna. And you there, with your google glass, Zune mp3 player and blackberry, you probably can’t imagine being without it, but in the UK, more than 5m people have never used the internet, and 11.3m don’t have the skills they need to use it. If your experience of social media is like mine, you might be surprised to hear people need to skills to be online, but having internet access is a privilege and if you haven’t grown up with the resources or teaching to use it, it can be an intimidating place. Which then of course makes it harder to use and gain access to all those areas of life that you now need the internet for, and it can lead to a greater risk of health problems because you can’t use your GPs online services or google to accidentally witness lots of grim pictures of people with ailments worse than yours and be terrified into seeing a doctor. It can also lead to increased loneliness and social exclusion. So, while notions of free broadband for everyone would help a bit, despite it being laughed at by people saying ‘but I like to pay extortionate amounts of money for a service that breaks down every two minutes’, it’s also about what’s known as digital inclusion. This is a big part of the government’s Digital Strategy Bill from 2017, which promised to increase funding for digital skills training but also to deliver free wi-fi for all libraries in England, a cost they’ve counter balanced by closing most of the libraries. But a report in 2019 from the science and technology committee said that the bill had lost momentum and the government needed to re-address its approach. So, until it does, how do ensure everyone is digitally included so we can reduce divisions by all agreeing as a nation that Paris Hilton can’t make a lasagna?

A few weeks ago, I spoke to Helen Milner, Chief Executive at the Good Things Foundation, a brilliant social change charity that aims to help people improve their lives through digital and social inclusion. I met Helen at an event back in January and the stories she told me about the work they do and the community partners they work with made me immediately ask her if I could get her as a guest on the podcast to talk about, what I think, is a rarely spoken about element of inequality in the UK. I asked Helen all about what effect is has on people’s lives if they don’t have digital skills, all the things the Good Things Foundation does to tackle this issue and if everywhere is like my underfunded local library and has free wi-fi but is only staffed on a Thursday between some magical time that doesn’t exist in our dimension. Have a listen and if, after listening, you run or work at a small business or community center that can help, please do get in touch with Helen and her team. Here’s Helen….

INTERVIEW WITH HELEN PART 1

And we’ll be back with Helen in a minute but first…

MIDDLE BIT – WHO’S TO BLAME?

Yes, it’s a new section, ‘who’s to blame?’ That’s all anyone wants to know anymore right? Whose fault is it? Was it the EU, or health tourists, or Labour or women? No, it was you again. You forgot to turn off your flame thrower before you left the house. Own that mistake. So in this bit, when it occurs, I will be using my amazing skills of, er, researching things and mainly using google to bring you some definitive places that you can point your finger and we can all, as a very tribal side say ‘you did it, you fucked this and it’s your fucking fault you fucker.’ Most week’s though the answer will be the Conservative government, so consider this like a really crap episode of Columbo where you know who did it right at the beginning but the enjoyment will come from how I don’t really manage to explain exactly how they did it.

While much of the political discourse over the last few years has been about how the UK has become flooded with immigrants or refugees or terrorism or Marxism or vegans, in reality the UK has mostly been flooded with water. You know, classic OG flooding of the sort that is generally worse than any of your xenophobic fears, unless you’re a Noah acolyte or Michael Phelps who is already plotting how he will rule as king of the seas once all the ice caps melt. According to UK Flooding stats from 2019, every year one in six homes in the UK are at risk of flooding and statistically speaking you’re more likely to get flooded than be burgled, but that could be because once all your possessions float out of the door, burglars don’t need to enter your house to grab them anymore. The risk is becoming more and more frequent too with constantly record-breaking months of rainfall because it turns out rain is a competitive bastard and if we could just get it to be interested in eating the most pies or growing its fingernails disgustingly long then we’d be saved. So, this week the question is, who’s to blame for floods? And that’s a seemingly easy one to answer as its obviously just climate change or if you’re a former UKIP councilor from Oxfordshire, gay marriage. But while you might think you need to rush out and throw sandbags at happy wedding goers, demanding they don’t cry as that moisture will just return to the atmosphere and fill the clouds, it is as ever, not as simple as that. I mean, it’s also not that. Please don’t do that.

At the moment, the government spend £815m a year on flooding and coastal erosion risk management. How much of that is spent on a photographer to take pictures of Boris Johnson pushing some water around in the run up to an election? No idea, but you might be surprised to know that spending on flood defenses hasn’t actually fallen under successive Conservative governments, and in fact, after the floods all over the East Coast in 2013, they even raised it a bit. What you won’t be surprised to know is that none of their funding raises have been high enough to reach the recommended levels of the 2007 Floods Review by Sir Michael Pitt, or the analysis by the Environment Agency that both warned that climate change would vastly increase the risks of parts of the UK becoming swimming pools. Perhaps that’s how they should have sold it, as though flooding would cause lots of public swimming pools and then the Conservatives would work extra hard to shut those down. The last Labour government increased flood defences by 10% in 2008-9 after Pitt’s report was released, and then another 10% the following year, but austerity meant from 2011 onwards, the coalition government cut it back to a yearly average of just a 1.2% increase. Parts of those cuts included Environmental Agency staff numbers which dropped by over 2000, and included staff who worked on specific one-off projects such as, yes, well done, flood defence upgrades. They also included 274 areas having their flood defences postponed in 2011 to save money, because as you know, the weather was totally happy to be part of that ‘all in this together’ mantra that former Prime Minister and gelatin sculpture of a knee David Cameron kept wanging on about. I guess him and then Chancellor and formaldehyde storage unit George Osborne thought why spend on floodways when they can persuade the British people that if they don’t chant ‘rain, rain go away’ loud enough then it’s all their fault?  This postponing of schemes is said to have had a direct effect on areas such as the River Aire in Leeds which flooded in 2015 but was due to have a flood defences upgrade till the government decided the best money saver would be to let an area just wash away so that no money would have to be spent on it every again.

Thing is, in more telling you what you, a sensible person already knows, spending money on flood defences actually saves money overall. For example, in 2015, Storm Desmond, the one that messed people’s hair up – wow, that is an old, old reference – caused £1.6bn in damages alone. But it would’ve caused £2.8bn if Cumbria hadn’t upgraded its flood defences after previous flooding. The environment agency estimates that for every £1 spent being proactive, another £9 is saved. These pounds, if spent on drainage systems, tree planting, no-till farming – which is where er, you pay on your phone instead of a check out? No, it’s not. It’s to do with farming that doesn’t disturb the soil, so no scary films or ploughing the fields naked or something – all these methods would reduce flooding. But thought needs to also go into housing planning as one in 10 of all new homes are constructed, if they are actually ever constructed that is, in a flood risk area. So, either they need to be built with sustainable drainage systems, or I dunno, turned into a life boat, or marketed as having an inbuilt aquarium.

But wait, I hear you cry, isn’t all of this actually the problem of the EU not allowing us to dredge anymore? Er no. EU laws on dredging came in in 2000 and allowed member states to have their own rules on managing water courses, with just specific rules on it not being allowed if dredging damages certain habitats. But there’s even exceptions to that when it comes to flooding. So really loads of dredging up should be done in UK, especially of stories about how the government haven’t spent enough money on flooding and now there’s flooding. Again. If anything, the UK government should look towards the Netherlands who, due to its low elevation, have had flooding throughout history, but after severe floods in 1916 and 1953 developed a series of dams, water drainage, land reclaimation and in one case, swinging doors that can close a river mouth near the Port of Rotterdam incase of emergency. Amount, of major floods they’ve had since 1953? Zero, but they’re still spending resources on keeping tabs on these defences and improving them where needed.

Who is to blame for the current flooding situation? Well obviously, it’s the weather for not complying with government spending cuts and all those gay marriages for not throwing salt instead of confetti, but apart from them this is definitely a case of a lack of investment in prevention methods. This is a fixable thing and with the climate getting ever more irate and Storms getting ever more silly names, it’d be cheaper to do it than not. If Boris Johnson just for one-minute fancied visiting one of the areas affected, he might notice just how bad things are, and that everyone there is very much drowning, not waving. Storm Boris won’t be end up being a name for some extreme weather, but instead an instruction to armies of angry people rowing their way to Parliament after another few years of inaction.

And now back to Helen….

INTERVIEW WITH HELEN PART 2

Thanks, so much to Helen. You can find the Good Things Foundation at goodthingsfoundation.org or on Twitter @goodthingsfdn or on Facebook too. In particular, do look up their Bridging the Digital Divide campaign which I’ll link to in the pod blurb and LearnMyWay.com for anyone you might know who needs digital guidance. Helen is also on Twitter with her own account @helenmilner. Big thanks as well to Sam at Good Things Foundation for recording the call at their end so the sound was clearer.

You’ve been sending in some really great suggestions for interviewees lately, thanks for those. I’m still tracking a number of them down and will keep trying to do so. I’m also really looking to talk to someone about the whole BBC situation and the importance of a state broadcaster. If you could recommend anyone, or anyone else that might be useful in coming weeks to hear from, please drop me a line @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page at partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or you could send me a message via the new British communications antenna on the International Space Station and as your message is plotted incorrectly and completely misses the earth, my great, great, great grandchildren will get to see what it was when aliens, upset at all the broadcasts about closing borders in space and some random recommendation for a person they’ve never heard of, finally reach earth and destroy it for the benefit of the universe. As always, it’s probably just best to email isn’t it?

END

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. Thanks for using up your valuable life units listening to this and if you’ve made it this far then congrats, you are part of team finishers! No that doesn’t sound right. Team enders. Hmmm. Well as your reward for listening all the way through this week, I’m going to bring you some more secret political facts that you never would’a known otherwise. Ok. Are you ready? As part of Environmental protection laws, former justice secretary Jack Straw isn’t allowed in the sea. WOAH RIGHT? Bet you’re glad you stuck with it now yeah? And if that sort of exclusive politifact is your cup of tea then why not share that tea, which is not something anyone who likes tea would actually do? But with this sound tea that is this show, there’s enough to go round, errr, so get your audio doilies out and tell people you know who like podcasts to like, listen and subscribe, review the show on your fave pod apps and throw me some money for actual tea because you can’t drink a podcast you idiot, to the ko-fi or patreon.

Thanks big chunks to Acast for pod hosting, my brother the Last Skeptik for all the noises, to Kat Day for typing up the linear liner notes and to Mushybees for all the art times.

This will be back next week when Boris Johnson hasn’t been seen or heard from in over two weeks and eventually a supply Prime Minister is called in and they seem much more fun than the real one and they change all policies to just being games and watching a video and everyone hopes Johnson never comes back but then he does because he ruins everything but everyone talks about that supply PM for the next ten years as it was definitely the best week we’ve ever had.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by Priti Patel’s Training Guide To Become Professionally Unskilled. Do you have to do things in your workplace? Any things, whether its communicating with other humans, knowing how a system works, building a thing, cooking a thing, or not constantly setting yourself on fire? I’m sorry to tell you buddy, you’re too skilled for unskilled work. With Priti Patel’s guide you too can be as professionally unskilled as she is, with such tips as ‘why not sit there like a useless lump’ or page after page on how to mention the opposite to what you mean. Grab a copy now because why be economically inactive, when you can really show your team that you’ve put the effort in, to be purposefully shit for Britain.

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