Don’t Go Viral – Coronavirus, Boris Baby, Home Office bullying and Laurie Mompelat at the RunnymedeTrust and CLASS on working class in 2020

Released on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2020.

Don’t Go Viral – Coronavirus, Boris Baby, Home Office bullying and Laurie Mompelat at the RunnymedeTrust and CLASS on working class in 2020

WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU LISTEN TO THIS WEEK’S SHOW. You can’t breathe for all the coronavirus in this week’s show, as spread the word, it’s all pandemic up in here. But why does anyone care when we’re all just so happy that Boris Johnson is still fertile because he needs children like some people need phone chargers, he has to make up for all the other ones he keeps leaving in places. Plus this week a chat with Laurie Mompelat at Runnymede Trust (@runnymedetrust) and CLASS (@CLASSthinktank) on what working class means in today’s day and age.

FIND THE RUNNYMEDE TRUST HERE: https://www.runnymedetrust.org/

AND THEIR VIDEO HERE: https://twitter.com/RunnymedeTrust/status/1190161551224786949

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AND PLATFORM LONDON HERE: https://platformlondon.org/

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THIS EPISODE IS TAGGED WITH: • NHS, pandemic, parliament, parpolbro, Partly Political Broadcast, Patreon, podcast, political, politics, Priti Patel, race, Runnymede Trust, satire, Sir Philip Rutnam, stand-up, Super Tuesday, The Last Skeptik, Tiernan Douieb, US election, working class

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Partly Political Broadcast, the comedy politics podcast that asks you to join the debate, but then you when arrive, leaves and locks the door and now you’re stuck inside by yourself and I don’t have to hear your shitty opinions. I’m Tiernan Douieb and it’s been announced that the Prime Minister and hairy bowser Boris Johnson and his girlfriend are expecting a child. Of course, they are, I’m sure every night they tell No.10 security to say they aren’t in, in-case a kid comes knocking looking for child support from their estranged dad.

Yes, it seems Boris Johnson’s main plan to gain the youth vote is to make sure an entire generation will have splurged from his own loins. Is this another example of Johnson bluffing his way through a withdrawal agreement? Or is it a carefully conceived plan? What is clear is that after insisting the public don’t want to know about his personal life when it comes to the police being called after concerns of potential domestic violence, it turns out the Prime Minister thinks the public definitely want to know that he’s going to have at least one child he’ll be able to account for. Oh, and that he’s is going to marry former Tory press officer and star of channel 4’s Gameface Carrie Symonds, because when it comes to maybe visiting flood victims or just, well, doing anything, it seems he’s always otherwise engaged. How much do you want to bet that paternity leave will happen just as something else awful happens in the UK, and he’ll insist he can’t attend to the scene of destruction caused by a giant radiactive lizard as he’s too busy changing nappies, while paps snap him bonking an intern at Chequers. That’s not fair, as maybe it’s this 6^th or 7^th child, whichever it is, and 3^rd marriage that will finally make Johnson understand the responsibility it takes to be both a family man and Prime Minister, both duties that up until now he’s only really enjoyed the inception of before wandering off and assuming they’ll be ok to fend for themselves. Symonds, while now PR for Oceana, a sea conservation organization which explains why she’s keen to help save a large wet mammal who keeps getting itself into dangerous waters, has supposedly been at odds with the Prime Minister’s special advisor and turtle kid from Disney’s Robin Hood, but maybe this baby news is a truce and a way to facilitate Cummings. Arf. I’m sorry about that one. Truly sorry. Ish.

Is this news that anyone actually gives a shit about? Well no, apart from Home Secretary and original Sally Skelington, Priti Patel who can only be concerned that thanks to Johnson, the UK is about to gain another economically inactive drain on resources that doesn’t speak English and has a dad born on foreign soil. I’m sure she’ll try to have baby Johnson on a plane out of the UK asap. Patel has had other issues to deal with this weekend than congratulating her boss on excelling at making sure young people are fucked. The Home Office’s top civil servant and child dressed as Arthur for World Book Day Sir Philip Rutnam resigned after 33 years of being in the post, saying he had become the target of an orchestrated campaign against him. That’s pretty serious as we all know that orchestrated campaigns can of course lead to violins. I’m also sorry about that one. Rutnam accused Priti Patel of being in charge of it all saying that she accused him of briefing the media against her which Rutnam says is false. Of course it is, civil servants are meant to be non-political. It’s in their job title for crying out loud, otherwise they’d be called Discourteous Servants. Rutnam also claims the government tried to pay him off to keep quiet but he rejected it, a wise move as money promised by this lot is likely not to emerge for 5 to 6 years and then be halved due to the rising costs of HS2. After Sir Phil’s resignation and plans to sue the government, one of Patel’s former aides at the department of work and pensions claims she received a £25k payout from after saying she was also bullied by the then Minister for Employment. Apparently, Patel told the staff member to get lost, an instruction usually saved for facts, and the bullying lead to her trying to take her own life. The Prime Minister has backed Patel saying that she is a fantastic Home Secretary. Of-course she is, which is why she’s a terrible human being. Those are the exact skills she needs to head up a department that the report into the Windrush Scandal called ‘inherently racist’ but the term disappeared from a later draft. Probably because the Home Office is keen for everything and everyone to have a lighter tone.

While concerns about Priti Patel’s conduct are growing, they aren’t spreading anywhere near as fast as the coronavirus, though it is similarly also making people unwell when it comes into contact with them. There have now been 40 cases in the UK, with the four latest being found in people who’d just travelled to Italy, where it’s been quickly pasta’d round. Ok that’s the last really awful one. Promise. Hee hee hee. The government’s main advice is for people to scrub their digits while singing happy birthday twice, which may be because they’re used to celebrating every time they wash their hands of something potentially dangerous. The other suggestion, from Health Secretary and stupid grape Matt Hancock, is to sing God Save The Queen twice presumably because that’s the only thing that could protect the 93-year-old monarch if she caught the coronavirus. Hancock has been blocked by Downing Street from travelling to an EU meeting about the coronavirus due to concerns it may hinder their trade talks. Yeah take that EU, we’re letting our citizens die to own you. If everyone in the UK is dead, they won’t be able to buy your produce and then we won’t have to negotiate anything. Ha!

But that is the sort of hardball the government seem to be playing with all its trading negotiations as EU negotiations begin, and International Trade Secretary and woman that were she replaced with a cardboard cut-out it’d be weeks before anyone noticed Liz Truss has insisted they will not trade away the UK’s fishing waters. This is a smart move with the recent floods meaning that doing that could lead to Dutch trawlers mooring halfway into Wales. Eu negotiations started after Brexit negotiator and man who looks like he’s collapsing in on himself David Frost apparently had a patriotic full English breakfast because nothing says tough talks like the possibility of a coronary heart attack. If he’s a real Brit and wants to properly represent us in the talks, he’ll also down six pints of bitter and then only enter the left hand side of the room while pointing and shouting loudly about things he wants before saying something racist, being sick over himself and passing out. Meanwhile the government have also published their 180-page document on its negotiating strategy with the US, which is smart as that’s at least 179 more pages than US President and human croc shoe Donald Trump would be able to manage reading. The UK’s red lines for any deal are that food standards will not be lowered and that the NHS is not on the table, though there was no comment on if it’d be sold under the table or if the table would be sold first, meaning the NHS could just be passed over without any tabular obstacles in the way. Liz Truss said that if they don’t get what they want from the EU or US trade deals, then they’ll just walk away, because nothing says strong negotiating skills like convincing the other side that if they don’t do what you want you’ll hurt yourself for attention. Then again, maybe the government are much smarter than we think and this is all part of their coronavirus plan to shut off the UK from the rest of the world until the pandemic dies down and then we can trade what we like because everyone else will be too weak to stop us.

In other news the report from the independent inquiry into child sexual abuse said that Westminster turned a blind eye to allegations and ignored victims but since when have British politicians ever really cared about the little people? The report contained a lot of criticism of former Liberal leader and weather eroded ermine Lord David Steel for failing to investigate allegations against Liberal MP, massive paedophile in many senses and member of the Brotherhood of evil mutants Sir Cyril Smith. As a result of the report, Steel resigned from the Liberal Democrats and his position in the Lords saying that he was quitting to avoid distress for his family, which is nice and considerate when he was quite happy for Smith to cause a lot to other people’s. Conservative MP and rescue chimp James Grundy has had to apologise after footage was revealed of him exposing himself in a pub at a private event in 2007. To be fair to him, it was before he was even elected as a councilor, and it’s nice to see a Tory sympathise with all the voters who just want to get the Conservative pricks out.

In the US, it is Super Tuesday this week, as 14 states, American Samoa and Democrats abroad all prepare to vote for their preferred democratic presidential candidate. There are now only 5 people standing, after Lego version of Christian Slater Pete Buttigieg and woman who always looks like she’s about to try and sell you life insurance, Amy Klobucher have both dropped out of the race, and are expected to back the man who always looks like the victim of a mysterious radioactive attack Joe Biden. This puts Biden in current second place in terms of delegates, behind rabbit from Winnie The Pooh Bernie Sanders, with dedicated school librarian Elizabeth Warren a distant third, and businessman and proof money can’t stop you looking like a withered ball sack Michael Bloomberg hasn’t started running, but will do on Tuesday just in-case America decides the problem with Trump was that he was the wrong kind of racist, sexist republican billionaire. There is also Tulsi Gabbard who has no delegate backing, and the only thing going for her seems to be that she’s the youngest candidate so there is a chance the others will keel over before it gets to November though she is being urged to drop out. By the end of the week we’ll have a clearer picture just who will take on Trump in the US elections, but all polls suggest whoever it is, they’ll be likely to win over voters on account of, well, not being Trump, a man that is currently insisting the coronavirus is under control but only because he’s cut so much heath funding not everyone can get tested. I guess it still counts as beating coronavirus if all these untested people are just getting sick from some unknown coughing illness. If ignorance is bliss, why does he always seem so angry?

And lastly, in Bristol on Friday, eco munchkin Greta Thunberg addressed a crowd of over 15,000 people as part of a climate change rally and school strike, attracting lots of criticisms from Conservative MPs who said children should be in school, forgetting that that’s not how strikes work and that many of the cuts to the education service mean they’d be closed on a Friday afternoon anyway. There has also been anger that the site of the rally, college green, was so churned up by the people being there, that all the grassy spaces have turned to mud. You can’t please people can you, not only were all those young people standing up for a better future, but they were also actively shunning blades.

ADMIN

Hey hey hey ParPolBrods. How are you? Coronavirus free I hope. I’m very tempted to spend the next few weeks shaking people’s hands and then muttering an ‘oh shit’ before looking at them and saying ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine’. Of course, I wouldn’t do that, its mean and no one wants to get ill, unless like me, you could really do with some time off. It does sound nice, lying in bed, insisting on not going outside or seeing anyone. Essentially the way to defeat the virus is how I’ve lived every winter since I hit my mid-30s. Take that socialites. Now all I need is a disease that can only be cured by eating crisps and shouting ‘fuck off’ at the news, and I’ll feel like I’ve been right all along. If the pandemic gets really bad and the only people who survive are the anti-social ones, how will we ever find out who else is around? Hmm, problems. I do also like the idea of really stressing how terrifying the coronavirus is, until everyone in my area stays indoors and then I can get all the bargains at the supermarket like a hero. Every cloud.

Well even if you are bed ridden, and I can’t imagine how painful it is being ridden by a bed, they are often quite heavy, then I’m glad you’ve tuned into this yet again. Big thanks this week to Louise and Will for the lovely apple reviews, Will saying he was encouraged to do it by my, er, agent who you heard calling out for reviews and donations on last week’s show. Unfortunately she’s already gone to bed this week so she won’t be plugging things for me this time but if mini Douieb is the deciding factor in getting this show your sweet sweet words of support on Apple Podcasts or where ever else, then I’ll make sure I interrupt her important agent work of singing Let’s Go Fly A Kite but with the words, Lets Go Fly A Bum and ask her to help with the show again. She’s actually developed some Derren Brown type skills in the last few weeks that involve her asking for something but mumbling it, like ‘I have a chocolate?’ So, I don’t quite hear and then I ask, ‘you want a chocolate?’ which she replies with ‘okay’ as though well if I’ve asked and suggested it, it’d be rude not to. I’ve fallen for it every single time. So devious. I definitely plan to try this on adults so I can get free crisps. Thank you also this week to Adrien for joining the Patreon and to Anne-Marie for the ko-fi donations, which are really appreciated and should you wish to chuck me a pound or 3 on patreon.com/parpolbro or ko-fi.com/parpolbro then please do that, I won’t stop you. There will be no resistance here to you giving me your hard earned money. Far from it, I will encourage it. So if you need a positive response for some reason, maybe just to feel good, I will do that for you, you know, for money. Seems fair right?

I have absolutely nothing to plug this week but if any of you are going to see Frankie Boyle at the Soho Theatre on the 10^th, 11^th, 17^th, 18^th or 19^th then I will be his support act yet again, saying many of the jokes you hear on here, but live and from my face. I’m not doing the 12^th as I’ll be in deepest Yorkshire shouting at children which is important and necessary.

TOTALLY UNPREPARED POLITICS PODCAST

On this week’s show, I’m speaking to Laurie Mompelat from the Runnymede Trust and CLASS think tank about what working class means in 2020, plus a look at just whether or not the UK is really prepared for a pandemic which you should listen to while indoors and not touching anyone. Not even yourself. Stop it. Disgusting. Who do you think you are? James Grundy?

INTERVIEW WITH LAURIE

What does the term working class mean to you? Are you already envisaging a flat cap wearing market trader shouting cockney slang at passers-by, drinking excessive cups of tea and playing the piano? Or maybe a miner, covered in coal, wrestling a pig while eating a pasty? I mean, if you’re doing either of those things my first question to you is, how are you listening to this podcast in the 1970s? Or is working class in 2020 simply defined as someone who doesn’t change their accent when builders are round? A lot of the general election last year was focused on who could win over the working-class voter, or more specifically, the Workington Man, a male of the species from a specific area of Cumbria, who is over 45, doesn’t have a degree and enjoys rugby. You know, that classic person that every single person knows at least 400 blokes just like it, except in Workington where many residents were quoted to say that the Workington Man was a stupid southern idea that they keep laughing about. These notions that commentators have that only people in London go to coffee bars, the sort of thing you’d say if you also referred to hip hop as noise from shouty talky men or smartphones as ‘witchcraft’, are the sorts of opinions you’d only have if you’d never actually travelled outside of your own home or were so desperate for media appearances you just roll with any old brain vomit. Normal people only eat pie and mash don’t you know and that’s why Brexit won’t matter as we only need potatoes and meat and all we care about is making sure immigrants don’t come here and sneakily put vegetables in them or try to revive us when we’re in hospital suffering from our inevitable heart attacks. So, what does working class mean in today’s day and age when whole age groups can’t afford a home but can afford, er, avocados which are obviously the same cost. Are the white working class being failed and does the lack of mention of working-class groups of any other race or ethnicity mean that they’re being so well treated that neither they or the government fancy mentioning it incase everyone gets jealous? Is Workington, with the least diverse population in the country and one that is aging at twice the rate of everywhere else, where politicians should be basing all their policies on, or will that just lead to a country of Conservative voters forever…oh. Oh wait. Oh I see now. Most importantly, what about those of us in the rest of the country who really like pie and mash?

This week I spoke to Laurie Mompelat at the Runnymede Trust and CLASS think tank, who have recently released a report called ‘We Are Ghosts’ looking at race, class and institutional prejudice, as well as just who identifies as being working class in 2020. Laurie was, up until they moved jobs a week ago, a research analyst for both thinktanks and co-authored the report so I asked them all about who the working class are now, if racializing class structures is remotely helpful to anyone and if I’m still allowed to eat pie even though I live in London. Just to say that I spoke to Laurie while they were in the office so there’s a lot of, er, ambient office background noise including someone who, at some point, types really loudly. I’m assuming they were hacking out a really angry email. Personally I think it adds to the ambience. You know, the beautiful ambience of, er, an office. Anyway, hope you enjoy, here’s Laurie:

INTERVIEW WITH LAURIE PART 1

And we’ll be back with Laurie in a minute but first…

MIDDLE BIT

As someone who’s regularly failed to go viral, I’m fairly certain I won’t get the coronavirus, even though I’m really trying as I could do with two weeks off. Positive cases of the virus, by which I mean people that have it, not people who’ve had a really happy outcome because of it, leapt up to 40 in the UK over the weekend. That might not sound like much, because well, it isn’t. But with it already spreading very quickly across the globe, affecting people, workplaces, events and the stock markets any pandemic is something to be wary of, especially if, in a country like the UK, the health service is already stretched to its limits, no one likes to wash their hands properly and it’s very hard to tell if you’ve got it because having trouble breathing just applies to every time lots of us go up the stairs too quickly. Ok, maybe that last one is just me. So, this week, with an attempt to spread information rather than bugs, here’s a few quick answers to some of the questions this new flu has coughed up.

The Coronavirus’s official name is COVID-19, which unexcitingly stands for coronavirus disease 2019, which is so last year. It’s not the first coronavirus that has existed, and its unlikely to be the last, as its name simply means that it’s a disease that’s come from mammals or birds, because nature is sick of our shit and it wants you to know about it. SARS was another big one, as was MERS which was lesser known but did fairly well in the X-Factor in 2009. Unlike in the movies where you know it’s one specific really pissed off monkey, no one has a clue exactly where COVID-19 started, but most of those who were initially infected worked or shopped at the Huanan seafood market in the centre of Wuhan. But before you go out shouting at whales or accusing an otter of sneezing on a fish or something, it might take a while to find out exactly where it started, if we ever do. But otters can look really shifty so definitely do a swear if you see one.

So far an estimated 87000 people have the virus across the world and while it can cause pneumonia, coughs, a fever and if I get it, loads of moaning about really how awful it is and why won’t everyone just look after me, it doesn’t seem to be all that dangerous on the scale of things. Although I will definitely say it is if I get it just so people bring me soup. The current mortality rate is about 2% in the area of China where the outbreak started and 1% everywhere else. Normal unimpressive why do you even bother flu has a mortality rate of under 1% so it’s worse than that, but SARS had a 10% mortality rate and you might remember…no actually you probably won’t. I mean really, it was over in a few weeks, and only lingered as a terrible joke for something to say you had if you did a sneeze. Obviously, people with health conditions need to be careful but let’s face it, if you have conditions, you’ll probably spend so long on the phone to 111 you’ll be dead before the end of the call., so maybe just best to stay indoors, avoid all people and consequently probably have a really lovely few days where no one gets in your way and you don’t have to get an over-expensive train where you pay tons of money to smell someone’s armpits. Washing hands is a good way of stopping it spreading because COVID-19 is an enveloped virus and soap and water can destroy the outer fat layer and kill the virus. Plus, if you sing happy birthday while doing it, over and over again in a public bathroom, no one will go near you as you’ll sound like a fucking psychopath and they’ll fear for their lives.

Why am I mentioning any of this on a politics podcast? Well, firstly because the virus, should it continue to spread, might actually cause several countries to plunge into recession as sick leave grows, events such as the Olympics might be cancelled, people aren’t travelling and the financial markets continue to care very little about human wellbeing when there are numbers that might be sad. The OECD have said that GDP growth could be half the rate originally predicted for this year, and that could cause Japan and the Eurozone to slide into recession, as well as severely affect China’s already weak forecast. US, Gulf and European futures and stock markets have already fallen, which is what happens when the global economy is based on how a man with a headset is feeling that day. US President and heavily enveloped disease Donald Trump has insisted that the US has the coronavirus under control and stock markets will take care of themselves, which does sound right as they really take care of anyone else. But as with most things Trump says, that’s not really based in fact, and especially in the states where the virus risks spreading on account of people avoiding healthcare due to the cost, and his administration having cut 80% of the funding for the CDC, the Centre of Disease Control and Prevention which has been key in how slow they’ve been to send out testing kits around the country, with only 3 of the 100 public health centres having them. Trump also cut the emergency response money called the Complex Crises Fund, specifically for use in the event of a crisis, though maybe he was concerned that $30m pot would just be used up every time he tweeted. And in 2018, the Donald announced massive cuts in reduced health spending. So, there’s every chance that it’ll only be a matter of days before America becomes like the Walking Dead and the next Presidential election will simply be between the few that have survived, and when all the current candidates are over 70, it’s not looking great for them.

Which brings us to the UK. Are we, as the government insist, actually prepared for a coronavirus outbreak when the NHS has only just got over its worst winter yet? Since the last big pandemic in the UK, swine flu in 2009 to 10, the NHS has lost a lot of staff and funding. Remember that? When people said it couldn’t happen but then swine flu? Well the NHS handled that one pretty damn well, with over 800,000 cases of it, but only 26,000 hospitalized and of that, only 342 died. The health service was praised for its planning and communications with an independent review stating that it did splendidly. Which is the most British response ever. Only 342, splendid. And all sorted in time for high tea. But if Coronavirus gets that big? NHS England has an Emergency Preparedness, Resilience and Response Framework, which is a very thorough 38 page document including such highlights as a model to share information listed as Major Incident Declared, Exact Location, Types of Incident, Hazards present or suspected, Access – routes that are safe to use, Number, type, severity or casualties and Emergency services present and those required. Basically, the acronym is METHENE, and its lovely to know that while the rest of the country shits itself, the NHS is resourceful enough to use the gases emitted to save lives. NHS Scotland and Wales have very similar documents and in these a pandemic is Alert level 4. In the NHS England one, if shit hits the fan that hard, they can take control of all NHS resources in England and then get them all to join together like a Combiner bot Transformer where all the robots become one massive one then fuck stuff up. No sorry, I mean all the trusts would work together and be sensible and not shoot any lasers unless absolutely necessary. But the issue is the pressure the NHS might find itself under if cases rise. The 111 service has already had a 50% increase in calls, and the Health Secretary Matt Hancock has already suggested that retired nurses and doctors could be asked to return to the NHS because nothing would help like people of the age group most at risk from the coronavirus to be surrounded by people with it. Though I suppose from the Department of Health’s point of view, it is one way to save money on pension costs. Downing Street have also rejected calls for the UK to keep the EU’s Early Warning and Response System and they’ve banned Hancock from attending a European meeting to coordinate responses. Though to be fair, judging by Hancock’s suggestions so far, maybe that’s for the protection of the EU.The government’s plan is containment, delay, mitigation and research, only doing the research once they’ve slowed it down because they’ve clearly never watched any sort of movie ever before. But they haven’t ruled out telling people to work from home, which does feel like an invitation for the Home Office to deport people to where they think they belong, and there is an emergency battle plan involving closing schools and shutting down public transport. You do have to wonder if those 10 days the Prime Minister wasn’t seen during the flooding where all just his way of testing this plan out.

The fact is though, by having a public health service that works with all its various parts to plan for this sort of thing and is accessible by all, we’re likely to be ok, even if our government are more excited about eschewing the EU over preventing deaths. The concern is, if the NHS does handle this, that’s proof that it can still boss a virus without any extra funding. And if it doesn’t, then there’ll be less patients to put a strain on it so potentially it’s going to lose more funding either way. Hopefully in the upcoming budget more money will be promised in order to make sure we don’t replicate 28 days later anytime soon, forcing us all to find other excuses to avoid going out. One interesting plus side of the virus, apart from being able to shout ‘coronavirus’ every time someone sneezes, is that pollution levels in China have massively dropped since the outbreak, due to a stopping of factory activity. All I’m saying is maybe those otters are eco-terrorists and if Extinction Rebellion want to really make a difference maybe they should stop washing their hands and go round rubbing them on Captain Birdseye packets.

And now back to Laurie…

INTERVIEW WITH LAURIE PART 2

Thanks, so much to Laurie for that. You can find the Runnymede Trust at runnymedetrust.org or @runnymedeTrust on Twitter, and they’re on Facebook too. Class Think Tank can be found at classonline.org.uk, on Facebook or @classthinktank on Twitter. Since we spoke, Laurie has actually moved to a new job and they now work for Platform London who are all about building an energy democracy. What does that mean? Go and see at platformlondon.org. I’ll pop all those links in the pod blurb and also one to the Runnymede video that Laurie mentioned.

If you’ve got a suggestion for who to interview or someone suggestive I should speak to, the latter isn’t all that helpful but please send the former by getting in touch @parpolbro on Twitter, the Partly Political Broadcast facebook group, the contact page at partlypoliticalbroadcast.co.uk or email me at partlypoliticalbroadcast@gmail.com. Or you could write on a towel and let a snake eat it, and then as it’s pulled out by a team of vets on a viral video, I’ll miss your suggestion as I’ll be too busy retching to see it. As always, probably just best to email isn’t it?

END

And that’s all for this week’s Partly Political Broadcast podcast. For those of you that have made it all the way to the end, team finitum – no wait, that’s shit – team climax. No, god no. Anyway for those of you that do listen to this bit, here is this week’s top secret political fact as a reward. Are you ready? It’s quite a stunner this week so get prepared. Former MP for Meriden and former Environment Secretary Caroline Spelman can’t. She spells it Mon. She can spell everything else, just not man. Really weird. She calls it the Isle of Mon. Or Supermon. Yeah. So there you go. Priceless stuff, mainly because it’s free and all deservedly revealed to you loyal listeners for sticking around for this last bit of the show. Don’t forget, should you enjoy this audile malarkey, then please do tell other people to listen & subscribe and should also feel so inclined, please pop a review on Apple Podcasts or other review friendly pod apps, or even donate a quid or two to the ko-fi or Patreon.

Yeah cheers and that to Acast for pod hosting, my brother The Last Skeptik for musicness, Kat Day for the linear liner notes and Mushybees for paint wrangling.

This will be back next week when the government announces its new method of ridding the UK of coronavirus is to be optimistic about it, saying that anyone who complains about dying from the virus is unpatriotic.

BYEEEEEEEEEE

This week’s show was sponsored by Matt Hancock’s handwashing singalongs. Need some fancy tunes while you exfoliate your fingers so hard you reach bone? Forget about the Coronavirus as you belt out ‘Take My Breath Away’, MC Hammer’s ‘Can’t touch this’ or Van Halen’s ‘Source of Infection’. Before you know it, every germ on body will have given up just to stop hearing your shitty home karaoke, either that or you’ll be so full of ill you’ll be coughing too hard to sing anyway. Hancock’s handwashing singalongs, for when you can’t cater for a soapy finger without some yodeling.